So I am 30...

...and I have been 30 now for 2.5 hours. So far my 30's are going great! I went bowling (where I won...hehe) and then I went out to birthday breakfast at 1:20am! Nothing like starting your morning off with 3 pounds of fried cake with blueberries and whipped cream! Teri took me bowling and to breakfast and we had a great time. She gave up sleep to be the first person to see me on my birthday and I appreciated it.

While I was bowling and eating breakfast I got a bunch of texts and facebook messages saying happy birthday and I appreciate all of those people who were awake and remembered that it was my birthday.

To me spending time with friends and family is more important than anything else on my birthday. That is why it meant so much that after working a double today Teri took me out for my birthday. Not everyone would have taken the time after a long day to spend 4.5 hours with me just hanging out. Also my Dad took me out to dinner because he will be gone on Saturday and wanted to spend some time with me. That is pretty awesome, and Amy had dessert with us when she got cut from work. Then my Dad and Amy sat and talked with me for a half hour after we were all done eating. This is what I am very thankful for. I have amazing friends and an awesome family. I am more blessed than I deserve and I try to let people know how much they mean to me. Sometimes I don't say it enough but all of the people in my life are amazing and they mean more to me than anything I have or ever will own. Relationships are what matter in this life. Our relationship with God and then our relationship with those around us.

After I sleep a bit I will look back at my life and I may write about it; where I have been and where I see myself going. Right now I am just thinking about how much it means to me to have people who care around me. Sometimes I don't let people get too close to me because of where I live. I am in Broken Arrow and I am around Rhema all the time. People come here to leave, I know that. It is hard to make good friends and then every two years have to do it all over again. I know that because of this I keep a lot of people at arms length away but I have tried to open up a bit more and let down my guard. What this has done has brought people into my life that I will always be close to. Maybe I won't live in the same town and I know that it won't always be the same. That being said I know that my friends will always be there for me and I will always be there for them. I also have already had my family be there for me when times were tough. They have always and will always be there for me.

How can I ask for more? I serve a God who loves me, I have friends and family who will be there no matter what. Sometimes people look at their lives and they get down because things haven't worked out exactly like they thought they were going to work out. Well my life is nothing like I thought it would be by now...but I wouldn't change where I am for anything. Thank you all for being a part of my life, no matter how big or small a part you think you have remember; we never know the full impact that we have on the lives around us.

It is Thanksgiving...

So many thoughts, so many things to say. Growing up Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday. It was a time when the whole family came together and just had fun. We ate too much, watched football, played cards and talked a lot. It was kind of like Christmas but without all the decorations and without all the presents. No one had lists, no one got me socks and we actually got to spend more time just being around family members talking than we did on Christmas because there was not a three hour block of time taken out to open presents.

Now Thanksgiving is a bit different. For only the second time in my life I will be around no one from my family on Thanksgiving. In the past 11 years (since I moved away from home) I have only been back with my whole family 3 times. Until this year I have had someone (Chris or Dad) around me on Thanksgiving. I have amazing friends and I have spent Thanksgiving with their families most years and this year is no exception. I will be going with my roommate to his parents house. My friend Abigail had her family decide to leave town last minute so she is coming with me. She didn't really want to come to a house full of people she doesn't know but I didn't think it was right that she was alone on Thanksgiving.

So what is Thanksgiving to me? If this year it isn't about family then what is it about? My parents always wanted us to remember that we were thanking God for all that He has done for us. Without God where would any of us be? I know that we should all live a life of thanksgiving and we shouldn't need a day set aside to give thanks to our Maker, but life can get crazy sometimes. We get caught up in our jobs or in just the little things that happen every day and we lose sight of what is important.

I try to set some time aside every day to thank God for my family, my friends and the fact that I am still here. I have been in 2 car accidents that I shouldn't have walked away from and yet I am still here. Now I say I try to do that every day, but like everyone else I have times where I start to get my priorities out of balance and things that don't matter take center stage.

Well last night I got one more dose of reality and it brought things back to where they needed to be. My friend has been witnessing to someone she works with and last night he asked Jesus to come into his life. This is the second person in the past 3 months that she has led to the Lord by just being a witness to them in her everyday life. I have told her this before but Teri inspires me to be a better witness and a better reflection of God's love when I go out into the world. I know she isn't perfect but she tries to show the love of God in everything she does. When I heard about the guy getting saved last night it made me remember that the most important thing to be thankful for today is the fact that God sent His only son to die in my place so that I could have eternal life with Him. I am thankful that my parents made the decision to raise me in a Christian home. I am thankful that they portrayed God's love to me and taught me who He was from the time I was born until now. I am thankful that even though I am going to be 200 and 2000 miles away from my parents today, they will both remember me when they pray and list me with the things they are thankful for. I have been blessed more than I deserve and more than I can ever repay, so now all I can do is thank God and try to go out and be a blessing.

I am asking you, what do you have to be thankful for? I know that my upbringing is not typical. My parents are amazing and I have a huge family that loves me and they love each other. You may not have that, but remember this one thing; we ALL have a God that loves us. Jesus died so that we all could live and if you say you have nothing else to be thankful for today, remember that Jesus loves you and so do I.

I had a friend tell me not too long ago that she had nothing left in life. I reminded her that she had Jesus and me...and I was pretty sure she had other things too. We forget sometimes that although things may not be going exactly how we want them to go they are still going better than they could be! We have a God who loves us, food to eat, a place to live and a place to work. Now it is possible that someone who reads this will say that they don't have one of those things, I know personally of places in all the areas that I have lived that will help you if you are truly in need but most of you reading this are not in that situation. It is all in perspective.

I should be asleep...

I should be asleep...but I am not. It is almost 4am and I just got home from work. I have a few hours until I need to be up for work again but I felt like I needed to write. I want to be creative but I don't know if I can. I have had the start of a poem floating around in my head the past couple of days but I haven't been able to slow down enough to write it out. I will take the time one of these days to write something beautiful. For now I think I will just write what is on my mind.

I was told the other day that I have a "savior complex." This was in reference to my dating habits. My initial reaction was to say I don't agree and to just leave it there but that didn't seem like the right thing to do. I know this, reality to each person can be different. My actions are based on my thoughts but since you can't see my thoughts you may feel that my actions mean something very different than what I intended. This being said I wanted to see if this was just that one friends opinion or if it was truly how my actions come across to other people as well.

I asked three other people if they felt I had a "savior complex" when it came to women or even a "savior complex" in my life at all. I got 3 different answers. The first person I asked didn't agree at all. They said that they didn't see it and that I should just disregard it. The second person said that I didn't have a "savior complex" but that I did look at dating as a conquest or a competition. They gave a couple of examples and said it was obvious to anyone who knows my whole history. The third person I asked said I didn't have a "savior complex" but I was too into helping people, sometimes to my own demise. I said more people should help others and not always worry about how it is going to benefit or not bebefit them. He agreed and that ended that conversation.

I guess what I learned through this is that people all have their own opinion of what your motives are in regards to your actions. It is up to you to keep your motives pure and let people think what they want to think. I didn't change anyones opinion of me during the 4 conversations that I had and that wasn't my goal. I just wanted to know what people thought and why. If I can understand that then I will be able to better express what my true intentions are and people will get a better picture of who I am.

Remember that who you are to others is not defined by your intentions or your thoughts. It is defined by your actions and the reactions of those around you. People will never know how much you care unless you show them.

I am going to blog about my upcoming birthday soon...

But I am not ready to do that just yet. I still have a week to get straight what is going on in my head. Last night my friend Kim took me on a birthday surprise. She took me to Steve and Barry's and bought me a couple of things. We then went to Turquoise for dinner where she gave me a C.S. Lewis book. Finally we went to have dessert at her favorite frozen custard place where her brother and sister-in-law met up with us. It was a lot of fun and I didn't expect it.

My birthday is not a big deal to me. It was never a big deal with my friends because my birthday falls right after Thanksgiving. Most people are either with their families or out of town (visiting family) during my birthday. This being the case, growing up my birthday was always about family. A lot of times it was celebrated at our Thanksgiving dinner and then I would have a small party with my immediate family on my birthday. So it isn't sad for me that I haven't had a lot of celebration up to this point for my birthday. I had a party last year (courtesy of Amy Dawson) which was the first birthday party anyone had thrown me as an adult. This year I am not sure how it is going to go. I know that something is going to happen at work but I don't know exactly what that something is. As far as on my actual birthday I have no expectations.

For me it really isn't about me. I am not one to make a list of things I need or even things I want. I am more interested in finding out what you want and trying to find a way to give it to you. My favorite part of Christmas is watching other people open things. I am going to be home for Christmas this year (home is WA). I get to see my nephews open their presents and I get to be around family that I only see a couple times a year. I am excited! My family is great on both the Johnson and the Cameron side. I will be back in WA for two weeks so I will be able to make time to see both sides this time. It should be a great trip.

This wasn't a deep blog and I didn't impart any wisdom to anyone. Just remember this year that it isn't all about you, try to do something for someone that they will remember forever.

Well...

I haven't felt this way since January of 2000. Not fun. I feel like sleeping...for a long time. I like to think that I am stronger now, that I have grown as a person. I hope that I can deal with this better than I did last time but I guess only time will tell. I don't like this feeling and it makes me want to never put myself in this situation again.

100 Skills Every Man Should Know

According to Popular Mechanics magazine there are 100 Skills that Every Man Should Know...let's see how many of them I know...

Automotive

Y 1. Handle a blowout
Y 2. Drive in snow
N 3. Check trouble codes
Y 4. Replace fan belt
Y 5. Wax a car
Y 6. Conquer an off-road obstacle
N 7. Use a stick welder
Y 8. Hitch up a trailer
Y 9. Jump start a car

Handling Emergencies

Y 10. Perform the Heimlich
Y 11. Reverse hypothermia
Y 12. Perform hands-only CPR
Y 13. Escape a sinking car

Home

Y 14. Carve a turkey
Y 15. Use a sewing machine
Y 16. Put out a fire
N 17. Home brew beer
Y 18. Remove bloodstains from fabric
Y 19. Move heavy stuff
Y 20. Grow food
Y 21. Read an electric meter
Y 22. Shovel the right way
N 23. Solder wire
N 24. Tape drywall
Y 25. Split firewood
Y 26. Replace a faucet washer
Y 27. Mix concrete
Y 28. Paint a straight line
Y 29. Use a French knife
Y 30. Prune bushes and small trees
Y 31. Iron a shirt
Y 32. Fix a toilet tank flapper
N 33. Change a single-pole switch
Y 34. Fell a tree
Y 35. Replace a broken windowpane
Y 36. Set up a ladder, safely
N 37. Fix a faucet cartridge
N 38. Sweat copper tubing
Y 39. Change a diaper
Y 40. Grill with charcoal
Y 41. Sew a button on a shirt
Y 42. Fold a flag

Medical Myths

Y 43. Treat frostbite
Y 44. Treat a burn
Y 45. Help a seizure victim
Y 46. Treat a snakebite
Y 47. Remove a tick

Military Know-How

Y 48. Shine shoes
N 49. Make a drum-tight bed
Y 50. Drop and give the perfect pushup

Outdoors

Y 51. Run rapids in a canoe
Y 52. Hang food in the wild
Y 53. Skipper a boat
Y 54. Shoot straight
N 55. Tackle steep drops on a mountain bike
Y 56. Escape a rip current

Primitive Skills

Y 57. Build a fire in the wilderness
Y 58. Build a shelter
Y 59. Find potable water

Surviving Extremes

Y 60. Floods
Y 61. Tornados
Y 62. Cold
Y 63. Heat
Y 64. Lightning

Teach Your Kids

Y 65. Cast a line
Y 66. Lend a hand
Y 67. Change a tire
Y 68. Throw a spiral
Y 69. Fly a stunt kite
Y 70. Drive a stick shift
Y 71. Parallel park
N 72. Tie a bowline
Y 73. Tie a necktie
Y 74. Whittle
Y 75. Ride a bike

Technology

Y 76. Install a graphics card
Y 77. Take the perfect portrait
N 78. Calibrate HDTV settings
Y 79. Shoot a home movie
Y 80. Ditch your hard drive

Master Key Workshop Tools

Y 81. Drill driver
N 82. Grease gun
N 83. Coolant hydrometer
Y 84. Socket wrench
Y 85. Test light
N 86. Brick trowel
N 87. Framing hammer
Y 88. Wood chisel
Y 89. Spade bit
Y 90. Circular saw
Y 91. Sledge hammer
Y 92. Hacksaw
Y 93. Torque wrench
Y 94. Air wrench
Y 95. Infrared thermometer
Y 96. Sand blaster
Y 97. Crosscut saw
Y 98. Hand plane
Y 99. Multimeter
N 100. Feeler gauges

83 out of 100...I guess I need to learn more skills.

I made a friend cry today...

It is 3:00am and I am still awake. I didn't go to the new Bond movie because I was going to go to sleep early. I laid down at 11:00pm and tried to sleep but my mind was racing so I picked up 1984 and started reading. I stopped reading five minutes ago because I finished the book. My mind is still racing.

I made a statement that hurt someone that I love today. I made a friend cry. There are very few things that are worse in life than to hurt someone you care about. I didn't do it on purpose but that doesn't excuse that fact that it happened. I made a statement based on something that had been done to me in the past. It wasn't her fault and she wasn't the one I was upset with in any way. It just came out as a reaction and I didn't see it coming. I can't go into exactly what I said or why I said it because that is not blog material. What I can say is that the reaction was based on something that happened to me over 10 years ago. It was a reaction to a set of circumstances that I hadn't even thought about in years and yet I felt the pain/anger like it was yesterday.

I see that it is something I need to work on and I have given it up to God. I am going to have to process these emotions now since back then I just buried them. The reason I am writing this is not really so that you can hear my story but so that you will think about your actions and your reactions to the situations that you face. We react sometimes without thinking. We react based on our past experiences and sometimes our reaction doesn't really fit the current situation. Mine didn't and I am willing to bet that I am not the only person who this has happened to. I for one am not going to let my past failures control my reactions and my actions in the future. Things that you don't deal with now will come back up in the future. Sooner or later we will either have to face the situation or live our lives governed by our past. Too many times we use the excuse, "that is just the way I am." I don't believe that, I believe we have a choice on how we deal with people and situations. Don't live life on auto-pilot.

Now I am going to try once again to go to sleep. Let's see if it works this time.

It all comes back to love...again...

Yesterday I admitted to a friend of mine that for the first time in my life I completely understood the statement that I have heard thousands of times in my life. That statement which is made by men every day. The statement that I have always said didn't really apply to me. You probably already figured out what I am going to say. I don't understand women...go ahead and laugh...up until yesterday I could always find some logic in the actions or a reason, however small, that would lead up to the reaction that they would give. Now I am totally lost...and I am not going to go into the situation. That is not the important part of this realization. My friend told me that she thought it was good for me, she thinks I need to be left in the dark a little bit and have something that I can't figure out. I am not sure that I agree but I kind of see her point.

I came to a crossroad yesterday. What would I do? I decided to live what I preach. You might think that living what I preach should not have been something that was difficult. I made the statement tonight when I was speaking, "I like to preach what I live." That means I put it into practice and then I can preach about it. So what do I mean I decided to live what I preach?

I am going to walk in love. That means I will love without expecting anything in return. That means that I will always be there and instead of pulling away I will press in, even if I get hurt in the end. What love means to me (as posted in previous blogs): A decision based on your character for the selfless promotion of someone else. If I truly believe this then I don't need to be loved back. I don't need to know that my love will ever be returned or even seen for what it truly is...if I am waiting for something in return then it isn't love. If I am waiting until I know that I will be appreciated because it makes me feel good to be appreciated then I love myself more than I love that person. So I will walk out love as best I can. I am not perfect and there are times when I know I don't show God's love through my life the way that it needs to be shown but that doesn't mean I am not going to try. I am going to do my best and if I get hurt in the process at least I will know that my motives were pure.

It all comes back to love...what love means to you and how you choose to show that love through your actions. This was for me more than it was for anyone who may read it. I have found that when I write about things I am going through in my life, there are usually a few other people who are facing similar situations. I don't have all the answers but I try to make you start to look for your own answers. Now I need to go to bed.

I just read a poem....

I really enjoyed this...I hope you do too!

Waiting
By: John Burroughs (1837-1921)

Serene, I fold my hands and wait,
Nor care for wind, nor tide, nor sea;
I rave no more 'gainst time or fate,
For, lo! my own shall come to me.

I stay my haste, I make delays,
For what avails this eager pace?
I stand amid the eternal ways,
And what is mine shall know my face.

Asleep, awake, by night or day,
The friends I seek are seeking me;
No wind can drive my bark astray,
Nor change the tide of destiny.

What matter if I stand alone?
I wait with joy the coming years;
My heart shall reap where it hath sown,
And garner up its fruit of tears.

The waters know their own and draw
The brook that springs in yonder height;
So flows the good with equal law
Unto the soul of pure delight.

The stars come nightly to the sky;
The tidal wave unto the sea;
Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor high,
Can keep my own away from me.

I have been considering writing some fiction...

The only writing I have done recently (apart from the one poem that was lost when my old phone died) has been non-fiction. I am doing a bit of freelance writing now and that is non-fiction as well. For some reason I have had the urge to write some fiction. I wrote poetry during high school and for a few years after that but I haven't sat down and written any stories since my freshman year. I used to write stories a lot...I am not sure if they were any good since at that time I didn't let anyone read anything I wrote unless it was for school.

I may just have to write a bit some time soon...see if I can still do it. I understand more about writing than I did then. I would like to think that this would help me but I guess I will have to give it a try to see how helpful it really will be. Well I am off to my night job, it is going to be cold tonight!

Friday night

I went to a concert at Shades of Brown (a coffee shop in Tulsa) and I had a 30 minute conversation with two brothers. I have been trying to figure out what exactly I wanted to say about it for the past two days...

Basically it boils down to me having a chance encounter with two brothers. Both of them used to go to Rhema Bible Church and now they are not going to church. They both told me that they believe in the following: the Trinity, Jesus is their Lord and Savior, Jesus died on the cross and rose from the grave and is seated at the Father's right hand, that the Bible is God breathed and is completely true and last but not least they both believe they are going to Hell.

They were both drinking and the younger brother was drunk. He remembered me from when he was in youth and I was a youth leader. We started talking and I told him that I was still working with youth and he started telling me what he was doing that he thought was wrong. Then his older brother came over and joined the conversation.

They both explained to me that if they were to die today they would go to Hell. Not because they didn't believe in God, not because they hadn't accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior...no they were going to Hell because of the sins they were committing right now. The older brother said he couldn't change. He said he could be good for a year or two but then he would get right back into the same stuff he was doing right now and there was no hope for him to change. It was who he was.

These guys knew scripture. They were quoting it to me, but they didn't have the relationship with God that someone with as much knowledge as they posses should have. They started asking the question, "If God knows what choices we are going to make, then why would He create the people who were going to choose to go to Hell?" The older brother said, if you create something and you already know what it will do then it isn't a choice. He also said that two opposites aren't a choice. I told them that God said that He placed before them blessing and cursing, life and death, therefore choose life...they didn't know what to say to that. I brought up that they can change their actions if they renew their minds with the Word and started working on their thoughts. They didn't really know what to say to that. Right before I had to leave one of them said well look around at this room. At least one person here will choose to go to Hell. Why would God create them? I answered with another question: Why don't you go to that person and show them that they have another choice and help them not choose Hell. I left them with a statement, I told them that they know enough to be dangerous to themselves and they need to make some choices. I said that I am here for them and I will help them if they want to talk to me but these are choices that they will have to make. I gave them my email and my full name on a piece of paper and then I left.

I never tried to condemn them for what they were doing although I did say that they were not making the right choices, but I tried to give them hope that they could change with God's help and I would do whatever I could do to help them too. The problem I was running into with them was that they know the truth. They know how they should be living and they are making a choice not to live that way. Walking away from them was one of the hardest things I have done because they both feel so hopeless. I don't know if I made a difference but I tried. In the 30 minutes that our lives crossed paths I tried to make a difference. They are both in my prayers and I am believing for a happy ending to this story...but they have choices to make.

The one thing that this does is show just how important it is to work with youth. The younger brother got "sent home" from a Valentines banquet because he was drunk and was hitting on all the girls. No one who was close to him at that time was able to show him or help him make different choices. He is still making the same mistakes he made when he was 16 and right now he doesn't see how he can make any other choices. You can help those around you see God's love and see that there is a better way. Please make the effort to touch the lives that you have a chance to touch.

Here is what I think...

People won't really read a blog post that is too long. If it was a book, that would be one thing. This is not a book, so I need to keep my posts shorter if I want them to have any kind of impact. Our attention span is getting shorter and shorter. I really enjoy writing about the subject of Love so my last post got a LOT longer than I originally intended.

So what am I going to write about right now? That is a fantastic question. I know I should be sleeping and not writing. I have been awake for 42 of the last 48 hours and I work again tonight. I don't have to be at work for 5 hours so hopefully I will go to sleep eventually. I tried to lay down after work but I just laid here thinking about writing something. So I got up and ate something and now I will write for a minute and then hopefully get some sleep before work. If I don't get any sleep I will be alright, it will just make tomorrow a rough day.

Today I was pretty awake until the last hour or so that I was at work. I did have a bit of help in the form of Starbucks but still I was wide awake and fairly productive. Tomorrow is going to need to be a productive day as well. We have to set up our booth for the Men's Conference that is starting on Thursday. Also today I was asked to work John Bevere's book table on Thursday. I accepted and I think it will be fun. I met the people he had work his book table at one of the book conventions that we both attended and they were very nice.

One thing I have noticed to this point when writing on this blog, other people seem to go through a lot of the same things that I go through. That being the case I am going to write a very short section on why it has taken me a week to apply for two part time jobs I found online. I have had a bit of trouble getting myself motivated to apply for some freelance writing jobs and I am not sure exactly what my problem was but I think I got it all worked out. I know that if I get either one of the two jobs that I am applying for I will eventually stop my night job. Kekoa was aware that I would not be doing this job forever and I will make sure that I give him plenty of warning when it is time for me to quit.

So what is my problem in getting motivated to actually apply for these jobs? Well the main reason is that I don't consider myself to be a very accomplished writer at this point. This is because so far I have only taken one English Comp. class in college. I don't like to do things unless I am good at them already, so there are time when I will not do something because I don't want to have to learn how to do it. If it comes naturally that is one thing but if it takes more time...truthfully I have historically gone with something else. That is something that I saw in myself years ago and I have tried improve on my attitude when it comes to learning things that take me more time to master.

I saw I was dragging my feet so last night I applied for the first job and as soon as I am done with this post I am going to go apply for the second job. I have to write a short essay on one of four topics that they give you to choose from. I am going to write about sightseeing in Tulsa. I will make sure to let you know how it goes.

Love...then and now...

"Paint the world with your thoughts. Love with the heart of a child." -Unknown

I ran across this quote on a friends livejournal page earlier this evening and it made me start thinking. Well to say it made me "start" thinking would not be a true statement. I have been thinking about love for a while now. There are lots of reasons I have been thinking about it but the one I am going to talk about is because one of my close friends brought up the subject about a week ago.

She sent me a text in the middle of the night. I had been working that night and I didn't set my alarm right (on the replacement phone that I received) so I woke up late. I woke up to 20+ text messages and several missed phone calls. Since most of the messages were simply people asking where I was or if I was awake yet I just deleted all of my unread messages. The problem with this was that I didn't really read her message or check when it was sent. She sent a message and said she needed to explain her text from the night before...I was confused but said that we should talk. When we talked I found out that her message had said a few things and one of them was it contained the phrase, "I love you". She was freaked out and didn't want me to take it wrong. We are friends but we will never be more than friends. That is a mutual feeling and there is no problem with that on either side. She was worried that I would take it wrong since that word is not thrown around very much here in Tulsa between friends of the opposite sex.

So since then I have been thinking about love and what I think love really means. I remembered that I had once written a blog about it on myspace, so I re-posted it tonight. That was my feelings on love in 2006 and I wanted to see how much it has changed in the past two years. Since I wrote that post I have told a woman I was dating that I loved her (I don't say that very often...one reason is that I don't date very often...but still the number of women I have said "I love you" to while I was dating them is only 5), I read The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis and I have started to write a second book on the subject of Love (my first book was lost when I left NY in 2000).

I think I need to say something right here, I tell people I love them. Most of the time it is friends and family that I say it to. The reason I don't say it to a lot of women is because I know what love means to me. There is no one who I have told "I Love You" that I don't love today. Some people don't really understand that and they don't believe me, but hopefully when I am done with this post you will at least understand what I mean by that.

My definition of the word "Love" in my previous post is one that I still believe. Love is a decision based on your character for the selfless promotion of someone or something. C.S. Lewis, in his book The Four Loves, breaks down love into...you guessed it!!! 4 catagories. I know he is a much smarter man than I am so I could take some of his points and mix them into this post...but I won't. We are going to stick with the single definition and show you how I can say I still love everyone who I have ever said "I Love You" to.

If love is truly a decision and it is based on my character, then it stands to reason that I have a choice when it comes to who I love and who I don't love. I have had people tell me that they had no choice, that love just happens. I don't agree and the fact that I don't agree with that statement is usually where people tune out of the rest of my blog because all they are thinking about is the fact that you can't choose who you love!

I know that there are feelings attached to love. I also know that many people feel that affection and love are the same thing. I don't agree. The butterflies you get in your stomach, the feeling of floating on a cloud when you're around that special someone, the fact that you enjoy everything about them...all of those things can fade. You can't always choose who you are attracted to and you can't "make" yourself have feelings for someone, but you can choose who you love. I had a friend in school that I thought would be perfect to date...except I didn't have any of those feelings I listed above. She was attractive but I wasn't attracted to her. We never dated and lost touch after I graduated. I saw her again last year and I was still not attracted to her. So if you think that "love" is the feeling that you get when you meet that someone special then I agree, you can't choose who you love.

The problem with using love and affection as the same thing is that your feelings change. I didn't say your feelings "CAN" change, I said your feelings change. Love on the other hand does not have to change. I still love people who have hurt me more than anyone else in the world. I wouldn't want to spend all my time with them, I don't get butterflies in my stomach when I think about them, but I do love them. I would be there for them today if they said they needed me. Loving them was not based on what they made me feel. It was a decision that I made that I don't take lightly.

Many people say they love someone else because of how that person makes them feel. If that is how you know you love someone then once again I say you don't love them. You love yourself and you love how they make YOU feel. Love, at least in my opinion, is not concerned with how you feel but rather how the other person feels.

I made the statement the other day that divorce happens because one side or usually both sides are being selfish. That is not love...and it results in a failed marriage. You can say, now they slit up for other reasons than that, it wasn't because they were selfish! I beg to differ. If one of them cheated on the other, that person was being selfish. If they broke up because someone was lying about something, they were being selfish. You don't lie about things unless you are being selfish. It doesn't spare the other persons feelings when you lie, it spares you having to deal with the consequences of the statement. There are lots of reasons for a marriage to split up but being selfish is at the root of all of them that I have run in to so far. What does that have to do with my post on love? Everything! If you truly love that person then you will put their needs, their desires and their feelings above your own. That sounds a lot like the selfless promotion of someone...which is half of my definition for love.

There is a lot more to say...but I don't think I am going to write any more right now. Maybe another time I will go into this a bit deeper. For now I want you to think about something for me. Look at your life and those people that are in it your life right now. What are you doing to make their lives better. What are the little things that will bring a bit of joy into their life. Whatever those things are that you can think of...do them. Do them as often as you can. People matter and how we treat them matters. I didn't bring God into this post yet but remember that we have instructions to love your neighbor as yourself. If we all made a conscious effort to do that every day the world we live in would be a better place.

A repost from my myspace blog on Love...

"A little while ago I asked about 200 different people on MySpace what they thought love was. I asked "What is Love to You?"

Many people felt this was a very difficult question and some said they couldn't answer it. Others told me that it would take some time and they would get back to me. Still more threw out cliche things like it is that warm feeling you get inside whenever you think of a certain someone or butterflies or never having to say you're sorry. The list goes on and on. I did have a lot of good responses by people who actually took time to see what love really is to them. Those were the responses that I enjoyed the most.

The reason I enjoyed them is the reason I love to watch and learn about people, they were so different! I can not say that they were wrong because my question was what is love to YOU! Not what is "Love" to me or what do you think I want to hear about what "Love" is. I want to know what you think "Love" is and that is exactly what I found out. I found out that most people don't agree on what "Love" is.

I am of the opinion that one of the major problems we have with people today is that they don't see "Love" the same as the person that they say they are in "Love" with. If you aren't talking about the same thing then you won't show it the same way! I'm not talking about the love languages I am simply saying that they don't agree on what "Love" is and what it means to be in "Love".

I have been asked what I think the definition of "Love" is. Here is the Reader's Digest version of what I think "Love" is.

I will start off by saying that there are different kinds of love and yet they will all have the same root meaning. I love the Dodgers, my Parents and Arnold Palmer's. If you really know me then you know it is true that I love all three of these things. Now if love to me was a feeling that I get in my stomach, or never having to say I am sorry or any of the cliche things that people say love is then how could that apply to both my favorite beverage and my parents?

The answer to that is that it can't. My definition "Love" is as follows:

Love is a Decision Based on Your Character for the Selfless Promotion of Someone or Something.

Now what does that mean to me? You can choose who and what you love. You can choose if you want to stay "in love" with it. Let's start out with things that aren't people. I have been a Dodger fan for most of my life. They have had some good teams and they have had some bad teams. That doesn't affect if I am a Dodger fan or not. My love for the Dodgers is not based on what they do. None of the players know me and so my opinion of them is not a top priority and does not affect how they play and yet I will root for them in a room full of Yankee fans. My cheering for a team that no one else is cheering for doesn't profit me anything. It does however promote the team I am cheering for. That goes along with my definition that love is a decision based on my character for the selfless promotion of someone or something.

Now it is time we looked at the "Love" we have for that special someone. I have had people tell me that love is that feeling they get when they are around their significant other. Those same people lose that feeling after a little while and they have fallen out of love. I simply don't agree with that. Everyone I have loved in my life I still love. That does not mean that I want to be around them all the time or that I have the same "feelings" for them that I once had. My feelings don't dictate who I love. I love my family. We don't always get along and we don't always see eye to eye. The warm fuzzy feelings are not always there but I still love them. My love for them is not based on what they do or say it is based on a decision. That decision is based on your character as well. People who say one thing and yet you know there word means nothing because they are not people of character, those are the people who will love you one minute and hate you the next. They won't stand by the decision they made.

Also love is the selfless promotion of someone or something else. If you love someone because of how they make you feel then you don't love them. You love yourself and what they can do for you! When your feelings stop your love for them stops. That is not loving them it is loving yourself. Love says that I don't care if it benefits me at all, I will stand by you and be behind you. That is loving someone else and not yourself.

Too often people get caught up in what makes them feel good. Life is not all about making yourself feel good. If you are out for your own pleasure than you will always be seeking something more than you have. Looking for that person or that thing that will make you complete. This will prove to be an empty pursuit and will always leave you wanting.

That is simply my opinion. You may agree or disagree, that is up to you. I am not here to tell you how or what to think, I just hope that you do. Think about what you are doing before you do it. Your choices matter."

-my Myspace blog from July 18, 2006