Sorry about my last two posts...

They were both cut short because the app on my phone decided it didn't want to stay open. It just closed and all the writing I did was gone.

Today I spoke in chapel at the school we have where I work. I talked to the youth about the most misused 4 letter word. L-O-V-E. I have talked, preached, read and written a lot about love in the past. Today I got to see some of the faces of people who had never considered that love wasn't about how someone else makes me feel.

First I asked all of them to come up with their own definition of love. What does love mean to each one of them. Then I let a few of them share their definition. The first one was really good. Actually all but one of the definitions that they gave were pretty good. The one that wasn't on the same level of the rest was that love is how you feel towards people you care about. Now remember that I am never saying that anyone has the wrong definition of love. What love is to you is up to you...I was just trying to show them that there is more involved than the fact that someone else makes me feel good when they're around so that is love.

We read 1 Cor. 13 and discussed it for a few minutes. Then I gave my definition of love. I told them that I think love is an act based on my character for the selfless promotion of someone else. It isn't based on what they say or do. It isn't based on what they can do for me. If I love you because you love me...that is easy. What about the person that doesn't love you? What about the person who isn't kind to you? The bigger question is can you walk in love towards someone who does something that is wrong to someone that you truly love. People all the time will talk about how you can say what you want about me, but as soon as you start talking about my family it is on! How is that love?

I believe in defending my family and friends. I will let you know you are not right if you start saying things that aren't true about the people I care about. But I am going to always do my best to walk in love with you just the same.

I know that walking in love is not easy. I also know that I am NOT the perfect example of love. All I am saying is that I am trying. I will continue to try. Today brought it all back up in front of my face. I hadn't studied love or anything really about love in a while. Walking in love is something that I want to be known for. I don't care what else I leave behind, I want people to see God's love in me. If that is all you know about me that is fine.

I'm wide awake...

I am laying here wide awake and I really shouldn't be. I know it is not even 10:00pm yet and I'm usually up for a couple more hours but...I worked out today and I haven't really been sleeping that well. I was tired so I layed down expecting to fall asleep...it didn't happen. So now you get the pleasure of reading another post written when I shouldn't even be awake.

I hate writing blogs on my phone. The paragraph above this one was the start to another post that got erased. I'm done with this app on my phone. I will write when I get a chance to sit down at a real computer.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wow...

I just lost a really long post. I was literally on the last line and my phone kicked me out. That is not cool...oh well. Life goes on. It was a post about making sure you tell your family and friends how much they mean to you, especially this time of year. Thank you to all my family and my amazing friends. I'm more blessed than anyone deserves and I appreciate each and every one of you, even if I don't always get a chance to tell you.

I'm now going to try to go to sleep. I will write again soon and next time I will save a few times during the post so I don't lose it all. :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Love...from my point of view...

(disclaimer: this post is coming from an application on my phone. Any words spelled wrong or the use of a word that doesn't make sense can be blamed on a combo of my own mistakes and the replacement of the word I was trying to spell by predictive text.)

Love from my perspective is what is on my mind. For those of you who follow my blog, you already know I have a girlfriend named Ashley. She is wonderful and today we have officially been together three months. I bring her up again because we recently told each other those three little words that change everything: I love you.

To some people saying I love you to your girlfriend/boyfriend is no big deal. To me it is a big deal. It is a big deal because of my definition of love.

I have a definition for love and I like my definition. I once asked 600 people (friends from myspace when myspace was my main social network) what love was to them. I got all kinds of different answers. Many seemed superficial, some seemed over spiritual, some seemed too simple and a few too complicated...in the end I did find some people who also shared my definition of love, or at least came close to agreeing with me.

What I see now is that I was looking at this whole thing all wrong. What do I mean by that?I'm glad you asked because I am going to tell you.

What I mean when I say I love you doesn't truly matter to you. What matters to you is what YOU think I mean when I say I love you. My definition of love is simply that, MY definition of love. When you say I love you to me I am expecting you to act in a way that lines up with my definition of love. When I say I love you to you then you expect me to act in a way that lines up with what love means to you.

I am currently reading the Five Love Languages Singles Edition. In this book it talks about speaking your significant other's love language. Well it is a really good book but I am not talking about people feeling loved through acts of service or quality time. I am talking about what we really mean when we say I love you and what we expect when someone says they love us.

What do you expect from someone when they say I love you? That depends on what you think love is.

I have people who I love that I don't have a close relationship with anymore. Does that mean I lied when I said I loved them? No. Does that mean I don't love them anymore? No. Not in my opinion, but it is just my opinion!

If I love you but you keep abusing my trust I will distance myself from you. That doesn't mean I don't love you. It doesn't mean we will always be distant but love is not a doormat.

Most people have someone in their family who has made a lot of mistakes. Someoe who can't be trusted or counted on. Does that mean that you stop loving them? Not in my definition of love, but maybe in your definition if you don't "feel" that you love them right now than you don't love them. Maybe you loved someone and you "fell out of love with them" or you "grew apart." I am not just talking about a spouse, it could be a friend or a relative...but either way in my opinion you can still love someone that you don't have the same "feelings" for that you once had.

Love to me is a choice. I love you no matter what you do. We may not always have the same relationship that we once had, but I will always love you.

What I found out is that not everyone sees love this way. The people who don't agree with me are not wrong, they simply have a different view of love. Love to them isn't forever. Love is based at least partially on feelings and love is not forever.

When I see people do and say things to people who they said they loved I am amazes and I used to want to correct them and then I realized something. They are showing their definition of love. They aren't wrong because they are different, they are just different.

We have all taken different roads and led different lives to get to where we are today. Who am I to tell you that what you think about love is wrong? I'm no expert. I'm not a scholar, I don't have a best seller, I don't even have a great track record when it comes to "love," at least not the romantic kind.

All I can do and all I will ever do is try to love people. I see no higher calling than that. I know God loves me. You don't have to agree with my views on God either, love is still going to be what I will always try to show you. If your defintion of love is not: "A decision based on your character for the selfless promotion of someone else" that is fine...but that is what I will try to show to you. Life is too short and people are too precious to live any other way.

I was told for years by a lot of people that either they couldn't see me as a "preacher" or that they didn't think I should be a "preacher." Now I get paid to be on staff at a church. It is my job to help people and to show them that God loves them.

I do my very best to do that and I have been able to help some people since I came to Arkansas...but the day I started this job is not when I started loving people and the day I stop this job will not be the last day that I do my best to love people. I truly believe that you will never lose when you just love people...whatever that means to you.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A review of the book, "The Faith of Barack Obama"

Some time ago (during the end of his campaign in fact) Thomas Nelson gave a chance for people to get a pre-release copy of the book "The Faith of Barack Obama" by Stephen Mansfield.

I read half of it within a week and the second half took me a lot longer. I know that this review is late in coming, but I need to fulfill my part of the agreement.

This book gave me a look into what Barack Obama actually believes and where is faith is truly based. I heard and continue to hear people say he is Muslim. This is not true. He did register with the Indonesian government as Muslim when he was a child but he is not Muslim and never truly was.

Barack (now President Obama) is what a lot of people would call a Christian. He believes in Jesus Christ and that is "his path" but he also feels that other people can choose whatever path is best for them. He is actually adopted universalism instead of Christianity. Whatever faith you choose is the faith that will work for you. That is the way he sees it.

There was a fairly large portion of this book devoted to Obama's relationship with Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr. and the doctrines that Rev. Wright preaches. I can't say I agree with the conclusions that Rev. Wright makes and he is very radical but it doesn't appear that President Obama has those kind of views. He seems to ride very much in the middle of the road and is very accepting of everyone.

When you are done with this book you will see that President Obama is not a radical black man trying to wipe out all white people as some would lead you to believe and at the same time he is not a full-gospel Christian either. He has chosen his path and he leaves your path up to you. He feels all the roads will lead to the same place. I don't agree with him, but at least now I have a better idea of where he stands.

I can't believe how long it has been...

I haven't posted anything on here in a long time! A big part of that is because I don't have a computer at home right now...but I could use my phone so it isn't a great excuse. Either way I haven't been updating my blog like I know I should.

Life has been really good to me lately. I have an amazing girlfriend, I love my job and I am (in theory) going to be able to take Ashley back to WA to meet my family for Thanksgiving.

All of those things go into making my life good as of late. I have been able to help some people through my job here at the church and that is also wonderful. I will write more later and I will be better about updating this but for now, if anyone reads this, know that life here in Bryant Arkansas is good.

Post number 56...

Sorry, that number makes me laugh and I'm not going to go into the story but it is funny to a few people...and I think only my brother reads this. Hopefully he will laugh or at least chuckle at the title to this post.

Life right now is going really good. I have been horrible at keeping up with this since I moved and for that I am sorry to...anyone who wants me to update this blog more! ;)

I have a lot of things that I would like to speak my mind about but at the moment I am not sure that I will be able to do that without making it personal and pointed at certain people. This being the case I will have to hold off on writing on any particular subject. I never want to write "at" anyone. If I can't look at a topic objectively and not be picturing a person in my mind when I am writing (at least when I am writing something that could be taken in a negative way) then I won't write about it.

At least not anymore...I used to write a lot when I got hurt and I find that I am not very objective about my topics when they come out of just emotion or they are in a response to something or someone.

I said all that to say that I will be writing about something soon. I am starting to get used to living in Arkansas and the more comfortable I am in my surroundings the easier it is to clear my thoughts enough to write.

This will be an interesting couple of days...

As some of you know, I live with a family here in Arkansas. When I took this position at FCB I was already friends with the youth pastor. We have known each other since 1997 and he is the reason that they even considered me for this job. He offered to let me live with him, his wife and their 4 kids when I got here...so I moved in.

It is really a lot easier to live with them than people seem to think it would be. I have my own room, my door locks if I want it to and if I close the door I am normally left alone. The kids are great and James and his wife are old friends. It has been a pretty smooth transition so far.

Now the reason the next few days will be interesting is a combination of things. One thing is that I now officially have a girlfriend (that hasn't happened in a while) and James is out of town for the next three days. Now those may be two unrelated items but the fact that they happened at the same time makes it interesting around the house. I get to help with the kids at home a bit more than normal, obviously they still have their mother at home but I am going to do my best to pick up some of the slack while James is away and at the same time I am trying to do the things that a boyfriend is supposed to do.

Last night Ashley and I talked on the phone for a while but not until the kids were already in bed. I am going to take her out to dinner on Friday night and then she is going to come to my softball game...but we may try to stop by the house to make sure the kids are all in bed between dinner and game.

Also the office is very different without James here. He is the guy that a lot of people rely on to help get things done around here. I am just getting used to my job so I use him a lot for ideas, for help with projects...all kinds of stuff.

So he gets back Saturday night...let's see how it goes until then.

Trying to get back into the swing of things...

I was out of "the office" for two full weeks. I had youth camp, then I went to Denver the next day to help train the man who replaced me from my last job and then a quick stop in Washington for my cousins wedding. After all that I am back here in my office and apparently it was a pretty eventful time. I missed a lot of things that happened both in and out of the office that were interesting.

Now my goal is to get back into the mode I was in before I left! I need to plan events and come up with creative ways to help FCB grow and minister to as many people as possible. I haven't been sleeping very well and that isn't helping because when I am tired I am not able to organize my thoughts the way I normally would.

It is all ok, there are good things in store. I just have to make sure that I stay focused on the things that matter and let the other things go.

It's Friday...tomorrow is going to be a good day...

In recent years I have really tried to live in the now instead of in the past or the future. I am a planner and I try to have things figured out before I get there...but I found myself always looking forward and not enjoying what I was doing right now as much as I could have. 

I said that to make you understand why putting the title on this post as, "It's Friday...tomorrow is going to be a good day..." was difficult for me! I know that tomorrow is going to be a good day, I am going on my first event as a Singles Pastor. We're going to Magic Springs where we will ride roller coasters and go down water slides all day. Then at night we are going to see Relient K in concert at the park! It will be a good day so my title is not a lie but what about today?

I am of the opinion that almost any day can be a good day and it takes something really out of the ordinary to "make" a day a bad day. Lots of things can happen on any given day. People can be rude, you can get cut off in traffic, people can prove once again that they are not capable of doing their job, it can be too hot, rain too much...the list can go on and on...but I say that these things don't control whether your day is good or bad. I say that you can choose to have a good day despite all the little things that come up to annoy your or bring you down. 

Above my desk when I worked in a mail room as the production manager (not a glamorous place to work or an exciting job) I had above my desk a quote. The quote was:

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”. Charles R. Swindol

Now I was faced EVERY day with chances to have a bad attitude or let things bring me down. I was working full time while I went to school. This meant that I started work at 6am and worked until 8am, I showered and changed clothes then went to school for three hours and came back to work after a quick lunch. I would then work for 6 more hours before I went home. I did this for 9 months. Some people may say that this doesn't sound so bad. Well the crew that I had at that time in the mail room was less than stellar! Several times I went to my boss and asked him to just let everyone go and I would do all of their job until he hired more people. I was constantly having to write people up for childish behavior or for simply not doing their job. This was NOT the perfect working environment and yet I consider it to be one of my happiest years ever! I built friendships that are still strong and I learned valuable lessons not the least of which was patience.

Today I am in a very different place. I am in Arkansas for one thing, that is different enough! Then I went from a "mega-church/ministry" to a community driven church. The structure is different, the procedures are different and sometimes I sit back and say to myself, "Is that REALLY how we do this here?" The difference in administration is huge and the people are all doing things the way they were doing things before I got here. I am supposed to fit into their way of doing things and if you know me then you know that this is a bit of a challenge. All of these factors and many more make this place and this job something that could cause me to have a good day or a bad day depending on how everything plays out for each day.

So far I have been here for a month and a couple days and I have had 30 minutes where I let myself get upset and frustrated. I was over it as quick as it showed up. It was me and not the situation that turned my morning into a "bad morning" so quickly. Once I saw it, I changed it. When I was working retail we had a big push in one of the companies to "Choose your attitude." That day I didn't choose my attitude when I walked in the door but I got it straight and things are going smooth now.

Now you might be asking yourself why I am telling you all this. There are two main reasons:

1. It helps me to keep my perspective when I write things down.

2. Maybe you had a rough day and you need to be reminded to choose your attitude.

I don't want someone to pat me on the back and say, "Nice job Michael, you really have this attitude thing down!" That is NOT the goal, I am a work in progress as I know you are too. I just want to remind you that it is possible to change how you react to situations.  Smile at someone today when you don't feel like smiling. If you do that enough you will actually start to "feel" like smiling.

This made me think...

"Christians should definitely not read fiction. They risk opening their minds to vain imaginations and puffing themselves up with knowledge. Who knows what they might be emboldened to do? Engage their atheistic neighbors in conversation? Take a stand against social injustice? Travel to heathen countries and mingle with uncivilized people groups? The world is a broken place, and we can’t risk the possibility of story painting pictures that open the eyes of Christians to its pain. Think what might happen if we do!"

A quote from Memoirist Jeanne Damoff via the article Why Should Christ-Followers Read Fiction? - Prison Fellowship (Mary DeMuth)
I read mostly non-fiction. Not because I am against fiction, simply because I have found some great books that have helped me get closer to being the man I want to be when this is all over. I have read a good amount of fiction in my life and I don't remember when I switched from reading for fun to reading for information. Either way, that isn't what this quote made me think about.
This quote stopped me and made me take a look at the article it was pulled from (there is a hyper-link so you can read the article too) because I have heard Christians in the past several years come down on other Christians for spending time reading fiction...especially fiction that wasn't a "Christian" novel like The Shack. I have heard it referred to as a waste of time and carnal on more than one occasion. 
One thing I try no never do is judge someone. We all know that there are right and wrong things to do and we also know that love should rule our actions, especially when it comes to dealing with other Christians. It seems to me somewhere that non-Christians are supposed to know us by our love for one another. Sometimes I wonder where that love has gone and then I remember the times I have fallen short.

* I had several pages written and I decided to delete it. This subject doesn't deserve the time I have already put into it. Just remember that if you let love rule what you say and what you do and we will all be better off.

I've been in Arkansas for almost a month...

Actually last month today was my last day at my old job.  It was a bittersweet day. I really enjoyed my old job at KHM and I had a lot of good friends (and my Dad) that I was leaving behind when I moved to Arkansas. 

One thing that wasn't bittersweet was that I was going to be a full time minister. For the first time in my life I don't have to have another job in order to be on staff at a church. This has been a goal of mine since I was young...well younger...depending on how you look at my age now.  :)  

I started telling people I wanted to be a minister when I was 4 or 5 years old. At that time no one in my family was in the ministry or even talking about it. It was something that was not expected and as I grew up it wasn't something that a lot of people understood. I am a regular guy and that makes people think that I shouldn't or couldn't be serious about being a minister. I have had more than one friend say that they couldn't see me as a minister and recently I had someone tell me that they couldn't see me as a pastor because I wasn't like any pastor that they ever knew.

So far all of the people who felt that this couldn't be my calling in life haven't had any real experience with any actual pastors. They may have gone to church a few times but none of them were very close to their "pastors".

I am not sure what exactly people expect me to act like in order to be a pastor.  I am real with people and I try to walk in love. I don't know what else I need to do. I have had times in my life when I did things that I don't think are right and if you had asked me while I was doing those things I would have told you they weren't right. I'm human, I have made mistakes, I still make mistakes and bad decisions...but I am doing my best not to keep making mistakes or bad decisions.

No one is perfect and I know I am far from it. All I can do is do my very best to build relationships with the people I come in contact with and show God's love through my life every time I get that chance. I may not do all the things that you think a pastor should do but I am always going to do my very best to live a life that is worthy of the high honor that has been given to me. I have the opportunity to speak into peoples lives, to come visit them when they are hurting, to lead by example, to challenge them to grow when they feel like they are "good enough", to mend the broken and restore them to where they once were, to assist people in becoming who they want to be. I have not taken this calling lightly in the past and I don't take it lightly now.  

Some of you who will read this know me, some of you used to know me and some of you don't know me at all.  No matter what category you fall into remember this one thing: if there is ever anything that I can do for you I will do it.  Know that I am here for you in any way that I can be.

I know this isn't my typical post but I am in a time of transition and I wanted to let you know where I was and what I was thinking.

Time for a new chapter...

Change takes many forms, sometimes it is feared while at other times it is looked upon as a blessing. Change may be different for us all but one thing is certain, change happens in all of our lives.

I know I am not the first to say it or the only one who believes it...but it still deserves to be repeated; it isn't what happens to you that defines you, it is your reaction to it.

When I started working in the mail room at Rhema there was a quote posted on the wall. It said, "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.". I believe this to be true. We all have things happen in our lives. I have been truly blessed with how my life has progressed. I have an amazing family and the best friends anyone could ask for. I have been "in the right place at the right time" in order to get the experience that was needed to get me the job I will start on Wednesday. I just happened to be crazy enough to get up at 6am to play basketball every morning 12 years ago and I met an equally crazy man named James. James just happens to be the youth pastor at the church where I will be going. He is the ONLY person who I have kept in contact with from my first year at Rhema...well sometimes he has been the one to keep in contact with me. He essentially tricked me into coming out and hearing the pastor speak and then got me set up for an interview for a job that I wasn't looking for.

Now this series of events is something I could have never set up on purpose. I didn't plan it and some would say (and at times I may say they aren't far off) that I don't deserve any of it. I wasn't "qualified" for the job I had, but I was faithful and I worked hard. I am now qualified and I'm leaving for an unknown. A job I am very excited about but is not one that is clearly outlined. Once again change showed up and I am going on faith and that is enough for me.

Some of you don't share my faith, some people say that it is all about luck or chance or karma...but I simply can't agree. I shouldn't be alive today. I have been in 2 accidents that should have ended my life and yet here I am. I was flying to Tulsa to visit my brother and I was offered a job that once again I didn't have the qualifications or the experience for. I couldn't have "applied" for the job with any confidence and yet it was dropped on me. All of my jobs in the past 10 years have given me the skills for the job that I received after it and that in and of itself is a miracle. No one is more surprised or more grsteful than I am at the opportunities I have been given.

I say I am taking this job on faith. That is true but there is more than just my faith at work here. There are now at least 500 people in Arkansas who are putting there faith in me. Normally when I write it is to make you think, it is to try to invoke a response from you, a call to action in your own life. Tonight/this morning...I am writing so that you will see something. You will see the choice I have made. I am stepping out of the comforts of my job, my house, my family and my friends into an unknown. Failure is not an option. I will do the job they have asked me to do. You can hold me accountable and hold me responsible. I believe I will be given the tools needed to succeed and I know I have the desire. They say God helps those who help themselves...I say God will help me as long as my goal is to help others. Tomorrow I pack my car, Tuesday I move and Wednesday I begin a new journey. I will talk to you again on the other side.

I have been busy with my upcoming move...

I haven't been writing but I have had plenty on my mind. The question is not if I have enough to write about. The question is simply do I have enough to write about that anyone would be in the slightest bit interested in!

So I have had the subject of love on my mind a lot lately. I was listening to a sound track from a movie when I was driving from L.A. to Tulsa. I wasn't thinking about anything much except the unique sound of one of the artists voice and then she sang a few lines that really struck me.

The words were, "so if you wanna burn yourself, remember that I love you, and if you wanna cut yourself, remember that I love you, and if you wanna kill yourself, remember that I love you! Call me up before you're dead, we can make some plans instead. Send me an IM I'll be your friend..."

I am not sure exactly why this song interested me so much. If you listen to the whole song it is kind of an anti-war protest song...with love thrown in. I want to ask her (the artist) if she ever got any IM's from anyone who just needed someone to talk to. I really want to know if she is serious about what she says and how she let's it affect her life. In her music she swears and talks bad about the current war. According to what I have heard for most of my life she isn't someone who I should agree with and she doesn't understand love.


*I want to make sure I insert something to explain some of my statements about growing up and the people who modeled love for me. My parents, brothers and my family (including the Chartiers and Harringtons of course) showed me love in word and action. I don't use them as my illustrations because I thought that is what everyone had! I didn't understand how blessed I was to grow up with the people I grew up with. So when I say that someone else "showed me love in a way that I had never seen..." or something like that it is because I mean I didn't see that love outside of my immediate circle very often and that person made a bigger impression because it was a surprise! Now back to the story...thanks for your attention*

So there are two people to this point who have surprised me with their statements about what I consider to be true love. One was my sixth grade band teacher when he explained to all of us that he lived by the motto of "if I can I should" whenever someone asked him if he could do something for them. The other person is the girl who wrote the song I mentioned above. Now my band teacher was a nice guy and I am not anyones judge but he told us that he had been "living in sin" for years and now he was going to marry his gf who had been living with him. That statement alone made him someone that I shouldn't pattern any part of my life after, or at least that is how it seemed to me when I was 12. Then this girl who curses and is obviously very liberal in her views (which is obvious from her songs on this CD). I was always under the inpression that they needed to learn to love like the people who were in church with me.

Here is my main problem...I see them loving the un-lovely and the hurting while a lot of times in church I hear people bad mouthing "liberals" and "sinners". It is a strange thought to me that in the world we live in Christians are looked at as narrow-minded exclusives who are unaccepting of people that don't agree with them while liberal non-Christians are looked at as accepting and open minded.

I can honestly say that my parents always taught us to love everyone. People are what mattered and even if you didn't agree with their actions, we needed to love the people. I had a talk on New Years with a friend that I have literally known my entire life. He said that he really enjoyed coming over to our house because my parents were always accepting of him and we were always able to hang out. He knew what we believed and even though he still doesn't know much about our beliefs he saw our love. Isn't that what it is about? You won't find someone who is more liberal than him, he has even moved to a socialist country and he loves it. This would again make him someone to avoid because "evil companions corrupt good manners...". I have a question for you, "Who did Jesus hang out with aside from his disciples?"

Are you someone that a person who has different views would feel comfortable talking to? Are you someone who is going to love that person no matter what they say or do? Are you someone that can be called if there is a need...even if that need is just a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on? I want to show God's love to everyone that sees me. Not so they are impressed with me but so that they ask me how I can be that loving. That is my goal. If you need something from me just ask. If I can I will.

Real quick post...

I have to go take a shower and get ready for softball this morning but it has been a while since I posted. I am moving in just over three weeks now. I am not all the way packed but I am getting there and we have someone to move in so that the rent will stay the same for Dad and Caleb. That is good, I didn't want to have them have to pay more.

I spent last weekend in Bryant, AR and then on Monday afternoon I flew to LA and drove back to Tulsa. I got back at 1:45am Thursday morning and then went to work later that morning! I had a long drive back and I was in a car alone. I was asked by one of my best friends what I thought about on the way back and I said I didn't have any major breakthroughs of any kind. I was really focused on my drive since I was driving someone else's car. Pretty much the topic on my mind was the same topic I have had on my mind for a while. Love. I'll write more later...I just think it's sad. I tried to show love to everyone I came in contact with on this trip. People were shocked that I did some of the things I did because they weren't "convenient" for me. These were friends of mine. I don't consider it a great sacrifice to be kind to my friends. It's what we should always do and yet they were shocked. It doesn't take much effort to make someones day, give it a try. Let me know how it goes for you.

Something different this time...

I am not going to give my opinion right now. I am sitting in the St. Louis airport waiting to board a plane and I was reading my responses to a previous post. I have decided to see if I can get some answers from some of you.

My question is simply this: if you don't go to church, why? I'm not asking why you don't go to my church or a certain church in your town, but why don't you go at all? Do you not believe in God, do you not believe in organized religion...what is your reason? You can answer and not give your name, that is fine. The only reason I gave those two possible reasons above was because those are answers I have been given in person when I asked this question.

Please take a moment and answer my question. I really want to know. :) I am not going to combat your answers or come against your logic in any way. I am truly curious.

Thank you for taking the time to read this far and I appreciate any and all feedback.

My Dad...

This past week I watched parts of several stand-up comedians acts on Comedy Central. It seemed like every time I was clicking past they were talking about their Dad and what he was like. Everyone was laughing and they did several crowd shots where people were pointing at each other and shaking their heads as if to say, "He's talking about your Dad!".

As I watched I realized how different my memories were from what apparently most people grew up with. Jokes only work if there is an element of truth in them. I know I was blessed to grow up in the family I grew up in. Everyone has issues and my parents weren't perfect but I don't have those memories of my Dad treating me or my Mom bad. Even when we were in trouble my parents would let anger pass and they would punish us because of our actions and not because they were "angry".

I wonder if this model of a father figure has anything to do with the way that the three Johnson boys grew up as opposed to a lot of people we were around? It just makes me wonder how people's view of their own father affects their view of God as their Father? When I hear father I think of love. My parents put aside their own desires and their time to pour into our lives every day. If you don't trust your father or you didn't have a lot of love passed on to you from your father then you may not always have a great concept of God as your Father. I know God loves me more than my parents do and that is not an easy thing for me to grasp.

So if families are falling apart at a record pace then do you think that is at least a portion of the reason that the percentage of people who claim to be Christians is dropping in the United States every year?

Just wondering...I have no proof. I am just laying in bed thinking when I should be sleeping. I know that not everyone who reads this is a Christian but I do believe you all know I am. This is simply food for thought.

It's starting to get close to that time...

Up until this morning I had been plan out a strategy for packing my stuff up before my move. I decided that today is the day I start packing. I am going to try to set aside some time to pack every day. I am buying plastic tubs to put my clothes in and at this point that is really all I am taking with me. It is all starting to hit me at once...I really am moving to Arkansas very soon.

The reality of my move is finally starting to sink in. I am leaving a lot of things here in Tulsa. I have lived here for 6 of the last 7 years. I have made some good friends and my Dad lives here as well. I am really excited about the opportunities that are waiting for me in Bryant and I believe that it is the next step on the road of life for me. It just isn't always easy to let go of where you are when you don't really know exactly what the future holds.

In February of 2002 I made the move to Tulsa to stay with my brother while he finished up his 3rd year at Rhema. We were going to move back to WA in June and continue on with our lives. Clearly I was not the one running the show, even though I thought at that time that I was. My friend Rachel told me that I was never coming back to WA. I told her I would be back in June and she laughed and said I wouldn't be coming back. I didn't understand and I told her she was crazy, that was 7 years ago. I still haven't moved back and with this move it is looking more like she was right every day. I can't say I will be in Arkansas forever but I know I will be there for a decent amount of time and if it is where I stay then that is fine with me. I am through trying to get God to line up with my plans. :) This job is something that I know I will enjoy and I have a good friend already working there. He has been there for 3 years and we work well together.

All of that being said, it is not the job that I am uneasy about at all. I just am feeling the finality of this move. I am leaving people here who I will only talk to on facebook from this point forward. People and relationships are very important. How we affect the people around us is the way we leave our mark when we are gone. I may be a lot of things but sentimental is not one of them. The house I am living in, my office, this big desk in my small office...none of that stuff is going to matter to me. I will miss the people that are still here.

When I am gone I want people to look back on their time with me or there time when I was around and see God's love in action. That is my goal and that is what I try to do every day. We don't know what a kind word or one simple act can do for someone else. You don't know what the world is throwing at those around you. Even when people don't look like they need help it never hurts to do something above and beyond the "norm". It takes very little effort to rise above average when it comes to kindness. Try and rise to the level that you would like to see people rise to in your life.

Over a month!

That isn't even right! I haven't been writing much lately, but I have been reading a lot. For the first time in years I am mixing in some fiction with my steady diet of non-fiction. I am enjoying the change but then when I read a good bit of non-fiction that makes me think I wonder why I was taking time to step out of reality when there is still so much I need to learn and process!

I stopped writing before because I was working two jobs and was too busy, now I think it is time to pick it back up. I will be changing jobs in the fairly near future and I need to get back in the habit of writing. Not so much so that you will have something to read but more so that I can express my thoughts. My mind doesn't really shut off so I am constantly thinking about something or why I have a certain opinion. I have a few people here in Tulsa that I can talk to but when I move I will have less access to those people. I already have some friends in Arkansas but it takes some time before I open up the way I need to in order to clear my mind. So the writing is good for me, even if I can't write everything I am thinking.

Soon I want to write some about love. It seems that everywhere I turn lately life has been showing me love or the lack of it in some form. I want to understand more, I want to show it more often in my life, I want to live out what I believe and be that picture that can send someone searching for the one true Love. That is my goal, that is my mission and I work every day at getting closer to being "the change I want to see in the world". Ghandi said that and I think it is an amazing perspective. People are always trying to change the world. That is a good goal but if we don't look at ourselves first then how is anything going to change? I want to see more love, more actual love in the world. That is something I truly believe in so I am working right now on showing more love through my life.

"It only takes one person to start a trend!"

Last week I was out to dinner with some friends who were in from out of town. There were several conversations going on at the same time, as often happens with my friends. Several of us are fairly loud and enjoy talking. So I was not involved in the conversation but I was following it to a point. I knew they were talking about making every day St. Patrick's Day...and my friend made the statement, "It only takes one person to start a trend!" She was encouraging someone else to start the trend of having St. Patrick's Day year round.

I started thinking about that statement. It only takes one person to start a trend. On the surface it sounded like a true statement...but something didn't seem right. I don't like blanket statements and this one seemed to be a blanket statement. I guess in a sense all trends have to start with one person, that much is true. The thing that I was thinking about is that if no one follows you then you would have a hard time starting a trend. There are a lot of people in the world who march to the beat of a different drummer. The reason we say that they "march to the beat of a different drummer" is because no one is following them! It does take one person to start a trend...but it doesn't "only" take one person. It takes a person who has the influence to have others follow them.

Almost everyone I know either feels they are a leader or wants to be a leader. The thing I have noticed as I have gone through life is that there are fewer leaders and a LOT more followers than I ever expected. It is amazing how easily a group can be persuaded into doing something as a group. Once you get people going in a certain direction they will almost always feel that it was their choice and they truly wanted to go that direction. If you had asked them to go that direction while they were alone or when no one else was doing it they would have never gone along with the idea. Take for example the ever changing world of fashion. Not runway fashion, but the "fashion" that you see when you walk through the mall or go out to dinner. The trends change, the look of what is socially acceptable changes and people go along with it. I am not saying that I set any trends when it comes to fashion or that I fight the system at all. I am simply showing how many followers we have in our society.

When I was young someone told me to "pick your battles." There are times when I am just fine with going along with the crowd. There are other times when I will assert myself and not follow what other people think is the thing to do. Being a leader does not mean that you always make every decision and everyone needs to follow you or get out of the way. There are people who make waves and push their own agenda, that doesn't make them a leader. If you want to know if you are a leader right now or not all you have to do is look behind you. If there are people who are following you or are willing to follow you then you are a leader. Leaders are not alone.

Jesus was the ultimate leader and even He submitted his will to the Father. Just a thought, you can lead and still submit to someone else. So it does only take one person to start a trend. The only catch is that the person must be a leader. I don't know why I thought about posting this right now. It is simply food for thought.

I almost blogged last night...

I am not sure exactly why I didn't post what I wrote last night but I decided against it. Some things just are not meant to be shared in this kind of forum I guess.

So last night I helped a friend. He is the manager of a crew that cleans schools and he has had some trouble with his employees not showing up for work. He asked if anyone would help him (I am guessing it was a group text) and I replied that I would. I try to live by the standard that if someone asks for help "If I can, I should." It is something that my band teacher told me when I was in sixth grade and I have tried to always keep it in mind.

My friend was thankful that I was willing to help and give up my Friday night. I said it is what friends do...and then I realized I was the only friend who was there. I am not the nicest guy ever, in fact I would argue that I am not the nicest guy in my family. I know there are at least 4 other Johnson men that I would consider to be nicer than me (the 3 adult Jacks and Chris). This being said, I still try my best to do the right thing when given the chance. Last night I was given the chance.

I have been seeing a lot of the "25 random things..." posts on facebook lately. I posted one myself. It took me 5 minutes to write and I didn't even try to be witty with my answers. Now I wish I had written some other things into it but I don't think I will do it again. The reason I am bringing up the "25 random things..." is that in several of them lately I have noticed that they talk about "love" and how it will either solve everything or it is the answer to all of our problems. I couldn't agree more!

Since I started this post I have gone back and read a few of the "25 random things..." posts, there doesn't seem to be as much about love as I thought. Maybe it was just on my mind and the few times I saw it, that is what stuck out to me.

*side note: I have tried to finish this blog three times and I have erased the ending. Let's see if I can actually finish it*

John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." I used to think this had to do with dying for a friend. I hadn't really ever looked at this verse in context, as sad as that may be, until last year. I grew up hearing that verse but I had never gone to study it out. In verse 12 it says "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." At this point Jesus had not died for anyone...but He had laid down His life for His friends.

I want to look at two examples of people who in my life I have seen lay down there life for someone else:

1. My brother Chris:

One of the reasons that I have such respect for my younger brother is that he dropped everything in his life and came back to Oklahoma for me. He told me that when I went to my second year at Rhema that he would be there to help me...and he was. He does this kind of thing on a consistant basis. He will lay down what he wants to do in order to help out someone else. Not because of what he will get in return, but because he is showing love to that person.

2. Chrissy Nicole Adams

Chrissy is someone who I met as a "friend of a friend." Most relationships that we build are through people we are around consistantly. For example: church, work, school, sports...you get the idea. Chrissy worked for a church I have never been to, she went to homeschool (so we never went to school together), she hasn't played any sports that I know of since we met...except that one time we all went out and through the frisbee, but I am not sure that counts as a sport played, and she lives in a town that is 45 minutes from where I live. In other words, we didn't have a lot of reason to really see each other. Truthfully she has been closer to my brother than she has been to me but I would consider her a good friend. She made this list because she has made a decision that not very many people would make. She is going to take a year out of her life and donate it to people who truly need it.

James 1:27 says, "A religion that is pure and stainless according to God the Father is this: to take care of orphans and widows who are suffering, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." Well she is taking a year of her life and is going over to China to volunteer in an orphange. She is taking care of orphans for an entire year. This is one of the most selfless things I have ever seen or heard. She had a great job working at a church that is growing and yet she gave it up to go where she is needed most. It isn't about what she can get, it is about what she can give.

She challenges me to be a better person every day of my life. What can I do that will help someone when they truly need it? Take a look at what she is doing:

http://www.placemeinyourplan.blogspot.com/


So those are the two people who challenge me to be a better person, to give more, to not be concerned about "me" and to be more concerned with what needs I can help fill. I am not saying you need to change anything in your life. I am just asking you to take a look around. Help those who need help. Smile at the people who need someone to smile at them. Hold the door for that person who has their arms full. Do what you can do to fill the gaps that society is leaving in other peoples lives. Show some love and see how it goes. I think it will get better.

Today...

Has been a bit rough so far...but I am trying to look at the big picture. None of what has happened today will matter in 20 years...with the exception of me making a friend cry because I was rude. I need to work on that and I already said I was sorry. She forgave me...but all in all that is the only thing that has any meaning long term that happened today. I am smiling now. I still think I need a nap!

I have something that is worth writing about...

Finally I have something I want to write about...but I think I am going to work on making it into a book rather than make it just one post on here. So instead of that subject I think I am going to write about things I miss.

I woke up last night in the middle of the night and I started thinking about things I missed. As it usually works when I am just waking up, my thoughts were in no particular order so here we go...

I miss fresh apple cider from my great-grandma's apple orchard. I miss my Grandma Arids making tang for us because that is what the astronauts drank. I miss waking up Saturday morning to rake the batters circle and chalk the foul lines of our wiffleball field. I miss knowing I would never have to go to sleep alone again. I miss being able to make a 3am trip to the ocean just to watch the sunrise. I miss watching my nephews come down the stairs in the morning to play with their train set. I miss all-night basketball tournaments of David Robinson's video game. I miss going to play basketball at "The Gheto" in Stevenson. I miss walking down the unfinished turnpike in the middle of the night with Jad, Chris and the rest of the gang. I miss playing in the fountains downtown until the security guards ran us off. I miss holding hands when holding hands was as far as you went in a "relationship". I miss playing "offense/defense" with my brothers in the back yard. I miss dunk competitions on our nerf hoops growing up. I miss Thanksgiving dinner with the whole family at Grandma Jo's house. I miss trying to get Grandpa Pee-Wee to stop smoking and drinking because we wanted him to be around longer. I miss hearing hunting stories while we were cutting up meat in Grandpa Jim's shed. I miss choco and toast with the family on a cold Saturday morning. I miss lacing up my cleats and the smell of a well oiled glove while I get ready for a game. I miss boxing with Corey after school out past the football field. I miss pulling Marina behind my bike while she sits on a skateboard. I miss jumping in puddles with Melissa. I miss walking on the beach and talking to Mike until the sun was coming up. I miss swimming in our clothes after jumping the fence with Rachel. I miss sitting and talking to Teri about all kinds of different things...while I got rocked at sequence. I miss watching Joe try to ride a unicycle. I miss watching the office with Kim just because we wanted to laugh. I miss waking up to the smell of pancakes in the morning before school. I miss living in a town where everyone knows everyone. I miss learning about biology from teachers I knew were smarter than me. I miss singing in choir. I miss hearing Keith every week. I miss painting. I miss drawing, even when I knew that nothing I drew could match what my older brother was drawing.

I miss a lot of things...but normally I don't think about the fact that I miss them. Life isn't about looking back, it is about where we are going and how many people we can bring with us. People matter...find something else worth giving your life for.

I haven't posted from my phone in a while...

I am laying here in bed while Fabien and Caleb watch tv and play on facebook. I should be asleep...but I am wide awake. Today was another strange day...but it was also a good day. I got a pretty stern talking to from a friend and I will be the first to say I needed it.

I am not perfect and I have never claimed that I was...although I used to say, "Nobody's perfect, but I am pretty close.". It was a joke and I stopped saying it when I was in Jr. High, or at least I stopped saying it so much. :)

The reason I bring up not being perfect is because I made a few decisions that were not good choices in the past month. Now I get to work through some of the stuff that happens after you make a poor decision. Not a fun process and something that I am working on having to do less and less as time goes on.

One thing I will say is that I am glad I have friends who will stand up and say they don't agree with me or that they don't like what they see as far as my decision making is concerned. I always appreciate honesty, even when it calls me out. I may not always agree or I may have other reasons that you don't see...but in this case I was just being dumb. I was letting emotions (or lack of emotions) dictate what I was doing. I got called on it and I am doing my best to get it straightened out.

*side note: I got an interesting phone call tonight from an old friend...I will post about it in a couple weeks*

I think I will try to sleep. I am not sure if it will work, but I need to at least try.

Once again I should be sleeping...

and once again I am not. I got to work in two hours. I will work at least a 10 hour day and then turn around and work an 8 hour day. Before I go to sleep again (for more than an hour or two) I will have worked almost half of a normal work week and yet I am wide awake now and I can't get myself to rest. I have too much going on in my head.

This year has started off very strange. I am not sure exactly how it is all going to go but I feel like I will not be the same when it is over. 2008 was a good year overall. I started out having just decided to stay in Tulsa instead of move back to WA with my brother.

I had a girlfriend in WA who was not very happy with my decision and we ended our relationship not very far into the year. Like most years since my divorce I spent most of the year single...and I am still single today. I am single or a mixture of reasons and most of them have to do with me. I have been blessed with amazing friends and some of them (for whatever reason) have from time to time considered me at least an option. I generally drive them away or run away before we get to the dating part. I am still friends with almost all of them but for reasons that I won't go into in this post I am still single.

:) I just wrote and deleted a long section about my feelings on dating and how I have recently come to realize how important it is to me in the long run. I am not going to share that part yet...mainly because I haven't thought it all the way out. I just kind of showed up as I was writing this post, I want to know what I think about it before I let anyone else in on it.

Other than my being single this year was a lot of fun. I got to spend some good quality time with my nephews on multiple occasions. They are growing up really fast and it hurts that I am this far away from them. I know this is where I am supposed to be but there are times when that doesn't feel like it really matters. I don't get homesick for the state of Washington, I just miss my family a lot. Another thing I did in 2008 is grow closer to a few people than I ever expected would happen. I am a pretty closed off person during this year I made a point to open myself up and let some people in. In one case it has hurt more than anything I have felt in the past 10 years and at the same time I have learned a lot. I am working on getting myself to stay open and communicate what I need to communicate as this year gets going. We will see how that goes but I am hopeful.

I am not one for New Years resolutions. I have never made any and this year was no different. I do set goals for myself twice a year. I set goals in September and goals in January. My goals again are not something I am going to share but I have set attainable goals this year as opposed to the goals I set in September. I am not sure what I was thinking, but my goals were long term goals that I could not possibly reach in just a year. I am trying to make this set of goals something I can actually do during 2009. Again I guess we will see how it goes.

Well I am going to rest...maybe not sleep, but at least rest until I go to work. I will try to update this later.

What is the deal...

I haven't written anything in a while...actually it has been a long time. It isn't that I haven't had anything to write about, the problem I have been running into is that what I have wanted about are things that I am going through. I don't like to write out of emotion and I really don't like to write "about" people so I haven't written anything. I try to look at things from an outside perspective and not make it personal but lately I haven't been able to do that, so I haven't been sharing anything on here.

I am hoping to work it all out soon. :) I miss writing!

I should be sleeping...

I am laying here on the couch out in La Center, WA writing this...instead of sleeping. As I begin it is just after 11:00pm and my plane leaves at 7:30am tomorrow morning.

I am been in the Northwest since Christmas eve (thanks to a three day layover in Denver due to snow). This trip started off strange but not bad. I got to spend three days with a famliy I have known for almost 25 years! When I got to the NW on Christmas eve I found out that no one was going to make the trip on Christmas. I was supposed to see my whole family at one time but due to weather once again it didn't happen. I did get to see my brothers and my sister-in-law along with my amazing nephews on Christmas day. Also in the two weeks I was here I got to see my Mom and step-Dad for a few days, I saw my Grandpa several times along with seeing various cousins, Uncles, Aunts and friends.

All in all it was a good trip and I had a great time. The thing that I realized most during this trip was that this isn't home anymore. It will always be the place I am talking about when I say I am going to visit "home" but it no longer feels like home.

I miss my family and friends from here every day that I am in Oklahoma but the thing about this trip was; I missed my friends and family in Oklahoma every day that I was here. I have been gone for the past 7 years and 6 of those years have been spent in Broken Arrow, OK. I have made life-long friends there and right now my Dad lives with me. It is where I feel the most at ease and it is where I feel like I am supposed to be right now. Could that change? Of course it could...but for now it is home.

I still haven't taken the time to reflect on this entire year but tonight is not the right night to do that. I need to get some sleep but not before I thank everyone who has made Oklahoma my home. I showed up as "Chris's brother" and people have made me feel like a part of their family. I have friends who have: opened their homes during the holidays, thrown me birthday parties, given me rides to the airport, cooked meals for me and given me hugs when that is what I needed most. To anyone who has played a part in my life in the past 7 years I just wanted to say thank you. I couldn't ask for a better group of people to be surrounded with.