Finally I have something I want to write about...but I think I am going to work on making it into a book rather than make it just one post on here. So instead of that subject I think I am going to write about things I miss.
I woke up last night in the middle of the night and I started thinking about things I missed. As it usually works when I am just waking up, my thoughts were in no particular order so here we go...
I miss fresh apple cider from my great-grandma's apple orchard. I miss my Grandma Arids making tang for us because that is what the astronauts drank. I miss waking up Saturday morning to rake the batters circle and chalk the foul lines of our wiffleball field. I miss knowing I would never have to go to sleep alone again. I miss being able to make a 3am trip to the ocean just to watch the sunrise. I miss watching my nephews come down the stairs in the morning to play with their train set. I miss all-night basketball tournaments of David Robinson's video game. I miss going to play basketball at "The Gheto" in Stevenson. I miss walking down the unfinished turnpike in the middle of the night with Jad, Chris and the rest of the gang. I miss playing in the fountains downtown until the security guards ran us off. I miss holding hands when holding hands was as far as you went in a "relationship". I miss playing "offense/defense" with my brothers in the back yard. I miss dunk competitions on our nerf hoops growing up. I miss Thanksgiving dinner with the whole family at Grandma Jo's house. I miss trying to get Grandpa Pee-Wee to stop smoking and drinking because we wanted him to be around longer. I miss hearing hunting stories while we were cutting up meat in Grandpa Jim's shed. I miss choco and toast with the family on a cold Saturday morning. I miss lacing up my cleats and the smell of a well oiled glove while I get ready for a game. I miss boxing with Corey after school out past the football field. I miss pulling Marina behind my bike while she sits on a skateboard. I miss jumping in puddles with Melissa. I miss walking on the beach and talking to Mike until the sun was coming up. I miss swimming in our clothes after jumping the fence with Rachel. I miss sitting and talking to Teri about all kinds of different things...while I got rocked at sequence. I miss watching Joe try to ride a unicycle. I miss watching the office with Kim just because we wanted to laugh. I miss waking up to the smell of pancakes in the morning before school. I miss living in a town where everyone knows everyone. I miss learning about biology from teachers I knew were smarter than me. I miss singing in choir. I miss hearing Keith every week. I miss painting. I miss drawing, even when I knew that nothing I drew could match what my older brother was drawing.
I miss a lot of things...but normally I don't think about the fact that I miss them. Life isn't about looking back, it is about where we are going and how many people we can bring with us. People matter...find something else worth giving your life for.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I haven't posted from my phone in a while...
I am laying here in bed while Fabien and Caleb watch tv and play on facebook. I should be asleep...but I am wide awake. Today was another strange day...but it was also a good day. I got a pretty stern talking to from a friend and I will be the first to say I needed it.
I am not perfect and I have never claimed that I was...although I used to say, "Nobody's perfect, but I am pretty close.". It was a joke and I stopped saying it when I was in Jr. High, or at least I stopped saying it so much. :)
The reason I bring up not being perfect is because I made a few decisions that were not good choices in the past month. Now I get to work through some of the stuff that happens after you make a poor decision. Not a fun process and something that I am working on having to do less and less as time goes on.
One thing I will say is that I am glad I have friends who will stand up and say they don't agree with me or that they don't like what they see as far as my decision making is concerned. I always appreciate honesty, even when it calls me out. I may not always agree or I may have other reasons that you don't see...but in this case I was just being dumb. I was letting emotions (or lack of emotions) dictate what I was doing. I got called on it and I am doing my best to get it straightened out.
*side note: I got an interesting phone call tonight from an old friend...I will post about it in a couple weeks*
I think I will try to sleep. I am not sure if it will work, but I need to at least try.
I am not perfect and I have never claimed that I was...although I used to say, "Nobody's perfect, but I am pretty close.". It was a joke and I stopped saying it when I was in Jr. High, or at least I stopped saying it so much. :)
The reason I bring up not being perfect is because I made a few decisions that were not good choices in the past month. Now I get to work through some of the stuff that happens after you make a poor decision. Not a fun process and something that I am working on having to do less and less as time goes on.
One thing I will say is that I am glad I have friends who will stand up and say they don't agree with me or that they don't like what they see as far as my decision making is concerned. I always appreciate honesty, even when it calls me out. I may not always agree or I may have other reasons that you don't see...but in this case I was just being dumb. I was letting emotions (or lack of emotions) dictate what I was doing. I got called on it and I am doing my best to get it straightened out.
*side note: I got an interesting phone call tonight from an old friend...I will post about it in a couple weeks*
I think I will try to sleep. I am not sure if it will work, but I need to at least try.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Once again I should be sleeping...
and once again I am not. I got to work in two hours. I will work at least a 10 hour day and then turn around and work an 8 hour day. Before I go to sleep again (for more than an hour or two) I will have worked almost half of a normal work week and yet I am wide awake now and I can't get myself to rest. I have too much going on in my head.
This year has started off very strange. I am not sure exactly how it is all going to go but I feel like I will not be the same when it is over. 2008 was a good year overall. I started out having just decided to stay in Tulsa instead of move back to WA with my brother.
I had a girlfriend in WA who was not very happy with my decision and we ended our relationship not very far into the year. Like most years since my divorce I spent most of the year single...and I am still single today. I am single or a mixture of reasons and most of them have to do with me. I have been blessed with amazing friends and some of them (for whatever reason) have from time to time considered me at least an option. I generally drive them away or run away before we get to the dating part. I am still friends with almost all of them but for reasons that I won't go into in this post I am still single.
:) I just wrote and deleted a long section about my feelings on dating and how I have recently come to realize how important it is to me in the long run. I am not going to share that part yet...mainly because I haven't thought it all the way out. I just kind of showed up as I was writing this post, I want to know what I think about it before I let anyone else in on it.
Other than my being single this year was a lot of fun. I got to spend some good quality time with my nephews on multiple occasions. They are growing up really fast and it hurts that I am this far away from them. I know this is where I am supposed to be but there are times when that doesn't feel like it really matters. I don't get homesick for the state of Washington, I just miss my family a lot. Another thing I did in 2008 is grow closer to a few people than I ever expected would happen. I am a pretty closed off person during this year I made a point to open myself up and let some people in. In one case it has hurt more than anything I have felt in the past 10 years and at the same time I have learned a lot. I am working on getting myself to stay open and communicate what I need to communicate as this year gets going. We will see how that goes but I am hopeful.
I am not one for New Years resolutions. I have never made any and this year was no different. I do set goals for myself twice a year. I set goals in September and goals in January. My goals again are not something I am going to share but I have set attainable goals this year as opposed to the goals I set in September. I am not sure what I was thinking, but my goals were long term goals that I could not possibly reach in just a year. I am trying to make this set of goals something I can actually do during 2009. Again I guess we will see how it goes.
Well I am going to rest...maybe not sleep, but at least rest until I go to work. I will try to update this later.
This year has started off very strange. I am not sure exactly how it is all going to go but I feel like I will not be the same when it is over. 2008 was a good year overall. I started out having just decided to stay in Tulsa instead of move back to WA with my brother.
I had a girlfriend in WA who was not very happy with my decision and we ended our relationship not very far into the year. Like most years since my divorce I spent most of the year single...and I am still single today. I am single or a mixture of reasons and most of them have to do with me. I have been blessed with amazing friends and some of them (for whatever reason) have from time to time considered me at least an option. I generally drive them away or run away before we get to the dating part. I am still friends with almost all of them but for reasons that I won't go into in this post I am still single.
:) I just wrote and deleted a long section about my feelings on dating and how I have recently come to realize how important it is to me in the long run. I am not going to share that part yet...mainly because I haven't thought it all the way out. I just kind of showed up as I was writing this post, I want to know what I think about it before I let anyone else in on it.
Other than my being single this year was a lot of fun. I got to spend some good quality time with my nephews on multiple occasions. They are growing up really fast and it hurts that I am this far away from them. I know this is where I am supposed to be but there are times when that doesn't feel like it really matters. I don't get homesick for the state of Washington, I just miss my family a lot. Another thing I did in 2008 is grow closer to a few people than I ever expected would happen. I am a pretty closed off person during this year I made a point to open myself up and let some people in. In one case it has hurt more than anything I have felt in the past 10 years and at the same time I have learned a lot. I am working on getting myself to stay open and communicate what I need to communicate as this year gets going. We will see how that goes but I am hopeful.
I am not one for New Years resolutions. I have never made any and this year was no different. I do set goals for myself twice a year. I set goals in September and goals in January. My goals again are not something I am going to share but I have set attainable goals this year as opposed to the goals I set in September. I am not sure what I was thinking, but my goals were long term goals that I could not possibly reach in just a year. I am trying to make this set of goals something I can actually do during 2009. Again I guess we will see how it goes.
Well I am going to rest...maybe not sleep, but at least rest until I go to work. I will try to update this later.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
What is the deal...
I haven't written anything in a while...actually it has been a long time. It isn't that I haven't had anything to write about, the problem I have been running into is that what I have wanted about are things that I am going through. I don't like to write out of emotion and I really don't like to write "about" people so I haven't written anything. I try to look at things from an outside perspective and not make it personal but lately I haven't been able to do that, so I haven't been sharing anything on here.
I am hoping to work it all out soon. :) I miss writing!
I am hoping to work it all out soon. :) I miss writing!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
I should be sleeping...
I am laying here on the couch out in La Center, WA writing this...instead of sleeping. As I begin it is just after 11:00pm and my plane leaves at 7:30am tomorrow morning.
I am been in the Northwest since Christmas eve (thanks to a three day layover in Denver due to snow). This trip started off strange but not bad. I got to spend three days with a famliy I have known for almost 25 years! When I got to the NW on Christmas eve I found out that no one was going to make the trip on Christmas. I was supposed to see my whole family at one time but due to weather once again it didn't happen. I did get to see my brothers and my sister-in-law along with my amazing nephews on Christmas day. Also in the two weeks I was here I got to see my Mom and step-Dad for a few days, I saw my Grandpa several times along with seeing various cousins, Uncles, Aunts and friends.
All in all it was a good trip and I had a great time. The thing that I realized most during this trip was that this isn't home anymore. It will always be the place I am talking about when I say I am going to visit "home" but it no longer feels like home.
I miss my family and friends from here every day that I am in Oklahoma but the thing about this trip was; I missed my friends and family in Oklahoma every day that I was here. I have been gone for the past 7 years and 6 of those years have been spent in Broken Arrow, OK. I have made life-long friends there and right now my Dad lives with me. It is where I feel the most at ease and it is where I feel like I am supposed to be right now. Could that change? Of course it could...but for now it is home.
I still haven't taken the time to reflect on this entire year but tonight is not the right night to do that. I need to get some sleep but not before I thank everyone who has made Oklahoma my home. I showed up as "Chris's brother" and people have made me feel like a part of their family. I have friends who have: opened their homes during the holidays, thrown me birthday parties, given me rides to the airport, cooked meals for me and given me hugs when that is what I needed most. To anyone who has played a part in my life in the past 7 years I just wanted to say thank you. I couldn't ask for a better group of people to be surrounded with.
I am been in the Northwest since Christmas eve (thanks to a three day layover in Denver due to snow). This trip started off strange but not bad. I got to spend three days with a famliy I have known for almost 25 years! When I got to the NW on Christmas eve I found out that no one was going to make the trip on Christmas. I was supposed to see my whole family at one time but due to weather once again it didn't happen. I did get to see my brothers and my sister-in-law along with my amazing nephews on Christmas day. Also in the two weeks I was here I got to see my Mom and step-Dad for a few days, I saw my Grandpa several times along with seeing various cousins, Uncles, Aunts and friends.
All in all it was a good trip and I had a great time. The thing that I realized most during this trip was that this isn't home anymore. It will always be the place I am talking about when I say I am going to visit "home" but it no longer feels like home.
I miss my family and friends from here every day that I am in Oklahoma but the thing about this trip was; I missed my friends and family in Oklahoma every day that I was here. I have been gone for the past 7 years and 6 of those years have been spent in Broken Arrow, OK. I have made life-long friends there and right now my Dad lives with me. It is where I feel the most at ease and it is where I feel like I am supposed to be right now. Could that change? Of course it could...but for now it is home.
I still haven't taken the time to reflect on this entire year but tonight is not the right night to do that. I need to get some sleep but not before I thank everyone who has made Oklahoma my home. I showed up as "Chris's brother" and people have made me feel like a part of their family. I have friends who have: opened their homes during the holidays, thrown me birthday parties, given me rides to the airport, cooked meals for me and given me hugs when that is what I needed most. To anyone who has played a part in my life in the past 7 years I just wanted to say thank you. I couldn't ask for a better group of people to be surrounded with.
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