I made a friend cry today...

It is 3:00am and I am still awake. I didn't go to the new Bond movie because I was going to go to sleep early. I laid down at 11:00pm and tried to sleep but my mind was racing so I picked up 1984 and started reading. I stopped reading five minutes ago because I finished the book. My mind is still racing.

I made a statement that hurt someone that I love today. I made a friend cry. There are very few things that are worse in life than to hurt someone you care about. I didn't do it on purpose but that doesn't excuse that fact that it happened. I made a statement based on something that had been done to me in the past. It wasn't her fault and she wasn't the one I was upset with in any way. It just came out as a reaction and I didn't see it coming. I can't go into exactly what I said or why I said it because that is not blog material. What I can say is that the reaction was based on something that happened to me over 10 years ago. It was a reaction to a set of circumstances that I hadn't even thought about in years and yet I felt the pain/anger like it was yesterday.

I see that it is something I need to work on and I have given it up to God. I am going to have to process these emotions now since back then I just buried them. The reason I am writing this is not really so that you can hear my story but so that you will think about your actions and your reactions to the situations that you face. We react sometimes without thinking. We react based on our past experiences and sometimes our reaction doesn't really fit the current situation. Mine didn't and I am willing to bet that I am not the only person who this has happened to. I for one am not going to let my past failures control my reactions and my actions in the future. Things that you don't deal with now will come back up in the future. Sooner or later we will either have to face the situation or live our lives governed by our past. Too many times we use the excuse, "that is just the way I am." I don't believe that, I believe we have a choice on how we deal with people and situations. Don't live life on auto-pilot.

Now I am going to try once again to go to sleep. Let's see if it works this time.