I should be asleep...but I am not. It is almost 4am and I just got home from work. I have a few hours until I need to be up for work again but I felt like I needed to write. I want to be creative but I don't know if I can. I have had the start of a poem floating around in my head the past couple of days but I haven't been able to slow down enough to write it out. I will take the time one of these days to write something beautiful. For now I think I will just write what is on my mind.
I was told the other day that I have a "savior complex." This was in reference to my dating habits. My initial reaction was to say I don't agree and to just leave it there but that didn't seem like the right thing to do. I know this, reality to each person can be different. My actions are based on my thoughts but since you can't see my thoughts you may feel that my actions mean something very different than what I intended. This being said I wanted to see if this was just that one friends opinion or if it was truly how my actions come across to other people as well.
I asked three other people if they felt I had a "savior complex" when it came to women or even a "savior complex" in my life at all. I got 3 different answers. The first person I asked didn't agree at all. They said that they didn't see it and that I should just disregard it. The second person said that I didn't have a "savior complex" but that I did look at dating as a conquest or a competition. They gave a couple of examples and said it was obvious to anyone who knows my whole history. The third person I asked said I didn't have a "savior complex" but I was too into helping people, sometimes to my own demise. I said more people should help others and not always worry about how it is going to benefit or not bebefit them. He agreed and that ended that conversation.
I guess what I learned through this is that people all have their own opinion of what your motives are in regards to your actions. It is up to you to keep your motives pure and let people think what they want to think. I didn't change anyones opinion of me during the 4 conversations that I had and that wasn't my goal. I just wanted to know what people thought and why. If I can understand that then I will be able to better express what my true intentions are and people will get a better picture of who I am.
Remember that who you are to others is not defined by your intentions or your thoughts. It is defined by your actions and the reactions of those around you. People will never know how much you care unless you show them.
4 comments:
First, I have to say I have no right to say anything here. I'm not a friend nor do I know you really; I'm just a reader. I don't really know what a "savior complex" would be defined as, but maybe instead of being afraid of being labeled that way, ask for clarification from the person who said this to you. Maybe in some way you could turn it into a tool that helps you understand the actions that could be interpreted by someone as "savior"ish, since that is obviously not your intention. You said that who we are to others is "not defined by (our) intentions,...but by (our) actions". Which means we can't really justify our actions by our intentions if they are painful or hurtful to others, right? Only God can see through our actions to our hearts. So only He can enable us to act upon our intentions, and when we fail, still make "all things work together for good to them that love God"
Someone reads this who doesn't know me? Who knew? ;) Lisa, you have every right to say anything you want on here, I made this a public blog and I have no problem with you adding your thoughts.
I would like to say a couple of things.
1. This blog was written on my phone while I was in bed about to fall asleep at almost 4am so there were some things I left out that should have been included.
2. It is true that only God knows the heart and people see our actions. The reason I wrote about this was because sometimes I think that people will understand what I am trying to do and that is not always the case.
What I meant by a savior complex is one of the things that I didn't explain. I did get an explanation from my friend as to what she meant. She was saying that I date or try to date women who I think I can help or who need to be helped in some way. That is the part I don't agree with but I wanted to see why she would think that, so I asked around and then examined my past actions.
I know that we will fail to act upon our intentions sometimes but I don't want to have people seeing me in a way that is not in line with who I am if there is something I can do to help it. If there was something that I wasn't thinking about or didn't see in my actions that leads people to believe something that is not accurate I would like to adjust that. :)
Okay, I have to admit - writing in the middle of the night on very little sleep gets hairy! As a mom with three little ones, I know all about lost sleep. So, I have to say that was probably not the best post to get all technical on. The thing is - I've heard the excuse of good intentions way too much. My lovely family of in-laws are a big pack of bulldozers who run over peoples' feelings all the time but excuse it by saying they had great intentions. It gets old. Sorry I picked on YOU though! LOL! But I'm not going to be the one to tell you what you want to hear, I guess.
As for the Savior complex - I've thought about it a lot the past few weeks - and I think we all have a little bit of that in us. Don't we all try to make ourselves believe we are "not so bad" by finding people to have in our lives that need our help? Some of us take that to a deeper level and get into committed relationships with those we *feel* (on a subconscious level) need our help, when the truth is we need help ourselves first. I have no way of knowing if that fits you or not, but I do know that kids whose parents are divorced tend to that type of situation. Don't kill me for saying that.
Well Lisa my parents didn't get divorced until I was in my mid-20's so some of the things that come along with being a child who's parents were divorced were not things that I had to experience. :) I won't kill you for that.
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