Friendship is a two way street...or is it...

Today I was reminded of a common thought process that I simply don't agree with. A friend of mine said basically that they were done with one way friendships. No longer are they going to put out all the energy to keep a relationship going. After all...friendship is a two way street.

"Friendship is a two way street" is something that I have heard from different people all of my life. The exact wording may be different but the idea is always the same. You shouldn't pour your time and energy into someone else if you are not going to get that same effort back in return.

I have a couple different reasons that I disagree with this view on friendships/relationships. I will get into those in a moment but first let me say that I am not talking about a dating relationship. If you are trying to find someone to spend your life with then you should see that person put as much time and energy into your relationship as you are going to put into that relationship. What I am talking about is your other relationships. Your friends, your co-workers and even your family members for that matter. Now that I have cleared that up let's talk about why I don't agree with friendship being a two way street.

Reason number 1 is that Jesus said that it was not a two way street. In Luke 6 He explains that it is easy to love people when they love you back. Anyone can love those that love them, but we are suppose to love those that hate us and when someone borrows from you don't ask for it back (that last part is one that most people don't agree with...even if Jesus said it.)

So let's say that you don't really care what Jesus said because you don't consider yourself a Christian or maybe you don't think that is really talking about carrying on a relationship when it feels like you are the only one who is putting any effort into it. That is fine...but what about the people that poured into your life when you were uninterested and didn't really care if they were there or not?

We have all had that teacher, friend, cousin or neighbor that was always doing something nice just because it was the right thing to do. We didn't always appreciate them, we didn't always want them around even, but they kept on doing the right thing and pouring their time and energy into our life. Where would you be without those people? What would your life be like if everyone in your life treated you like you sometimes choose to treat someone else?

I'm not saying you need to be a doormat...or maybe I am. My life (especially my adult life) has been spent doing my best to be there for other people. I don't expect anything in return and a lot of times I get exactly what I expect. People have told me that I shouldn't be that way. I shouldn't waste my time on lost causes. I simply don't agree. If you can't help me in any way, that is all the more reason for me to help you. If I am doing something for you because you will repay me then I am doing it for me and not for you. You will never know true satisfaction from doing things with the expectation of repayment. Friendship is not a two way street. Give every chance you get. Do all you can for others. When you need a hand to help you up, you will be able to take your pick. It doesn't take much to change a life or to rise above average when it comes to being a good friend.

Friendship can be a two way street...but if it ends up being a one-way road that doesn't mean it is a dead end.

I have been busy with my upcoming move...

I haven't been writing but I have had plenty on my mind. The question is not if I have enough to write about. The question is simply do I have enough to write about that anyone would be in the slightest bit interested in!

So I have had the subject of love on my mind a lot lately. I was listening to a sound track from a movie when I was driving from L.A. to Tulsa. I wasn't thinking about anything much except the unique sound of one of the artists voice and then she sang a few lines that really struck me.

The words were, "so if you wanna burn yourself, remember that I love you, and if you wanna cut yourself, remember that I love you, and if you wanna kill yourself, remember that I love you! Call me up before you're dead, we can make some plans instead. Send me an IM I'll be your friend..."

I am not sure exactly why this song interested me so much. If you listen to the whole song it is kind of an anti-war protest song...with love thrown in. I want to ask her (the artist) if she ever got any IM's from anyone who just needed someone to talk to. I really want to know if she is serious about what she says and how she let's it affect her life. In her music she swears and talks bad about the current war. According to what I have heard for most of my life she isn't someone who I should agree with and she doesn't understand love.


*I want to make sure I insert something to explain some of my statements about growing up and the people who modeled love for me. My parents, brothers and my family (including the Chartiers and Harringtons of course) showed me love in word and action. I don't use them as my illustrations because I thought that is what everyone had! I didn't understand how blessed I was to grow up with the people I grew up with. So when I say that someone else "showed me love in a way that I had never seen..." or something like that it is because I mean I didn't see that love outside of my immediate circle very often and that person made a bigger impression because it was a surprise! Now back to the story...thanks for your attention*

So there are two people to this point who have surprised me with their statements about what I consider to be true love. One was my sixth grade band teacher when he explained to all of us that he lived by the motto of "if I can I should" whenever someone asked him if he could do something for them. The other person is the girl who wrote the song I mentioned above. Now my band teacher was a nice guy and I am not anyones judge but he told us that he had been "living in sin" for years and now he was going to marry his gf who had been living with him. That statement alone made him someone that I shouldn't pattern any part of my life after, or at least that is how it seemed to me when I was 12. Then this girl who curses and is obviously very liberal in her views (which is obvious from her songs on this CD). I was always under the inpression that they needed to learn to love like the people who were in church with me.

Here is my main problem...I see them loving the un-lovely and the hurting while a lot of times in church I hear people bad mouthing "liberals" and "sinners". It is a strange thought to me that in the world we live in Christians are looked at as narrow-minded exclusives who are unaccepting of people that don't agree with them while liberal non-Christians are looked at as accepting and open minded.

I can honestly say that my parents always taught us to love everyone. People are what mattered and even if you didn't agree with their actions, we needed to love the people. I had a talk on New Years with a friend that I have literally known my entire life. He said that he really enjoyed coming over to our house because my parents were always accepting of him and we were always able to hang out. He knew what we believed and even though he still doesn't know much about our beliefs he saw our love. Isn't that what it is about? You won't find someone who is more liberal than him, he has even moved to a socialist country and he loves it. This would again make him someone to avoid because "evil companions corrupt good manners...". I have a question for you, "Who did Jesus hang out with aside from his disciples?"

Are you someone that a person who has different views would feel comfortable talking to? Are you someone who is going to love that person no matter what they say or do? Are you someone that can be called if there is a need...even if that need is just a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on? I want to show God's love to everyone that sees me. Not so they are impressed with me but so that they ask me how I can be that loving. That is my goal. If you need something from me just ask. If I can I will.

Over a month!

That isn't even right! I haven't been writing much lately, but I have been reading a lot. For the first time in years I am mixing in some fiction with my steady diet of non-fiction. I am enjoying the change but then when I read a good bit of non-fiction that makes me think I wonder why I was taking time to step out of reality when there is still so much I need to learn and process!

I stopped writing before because I was working two jobs and was too busy, now I think it is time to pick it back up. I will be changing jobs in the fairly near future and I need to get back in the habit of writing. Not so much so that you will have something to read but more so that I can express my thoughts. My mind doesn't really shut off so I am constantly thinking about something or why I have a certain opinion. I have a few people here in Tulsa that I can talk to but when I move I will have less access to those people. I already have some friends in Arkansas but it takes some time before I open up the way I need to in order to clear my mind. So the writing is good for me, even if I can't write everything I am thinking.

Soon I want to write some about love. It seems that everywhere I turn lately life has been showing me love or the lack of it in some form. I want to understand more, I want to show it more often in my life, I want to live out what I believe and be that picture that can send someone searching for the one true Love. That is my goal, that is my mission and I work every day at getting closer to being "the change I want to see in the world". Ghandi said that and I think it is an amazing perspective. People are always trying to change the world. That is a good goal but if we don't look at ourselves first then how is anything going to change? I want to see more love, more actual love in the world. That is something I truly believe in so I am working right now on showing more love through my life.

I have something that is worth writing about...

Finally I have something I want to write about...but I think I am going to work on making it into a book rather than make it just one post on here. So instead of that subject I think I am going to write about things I miss.

I woke up last night in the middle of the night and I started thinking about things I missed. As it usually works when I am just waking up, my thoughts were in no particular order so here we go...

I miss fresh apple cider from my great-grandma's apple orchard. I miss my Grandma Arids making tang for us because that is what the astronauts drank. I miss waking up Saturday morning to rake the batters circle and chalk the foul lines of our wiffleball field. I miss knowing I would never have to go to sleep alone again. I miss being able to make a 3am trip to the ocean just to watch the sunrise. I miss watching my nephews come down the stairs in the morning to play with their train set. I miss all-night basketball tournaments of David Robinson's video game. I miss going to play basketball at "The Gheto" in Stevenson. I miss walking down the unfinished turnpike in the middle of the night with Jad, Chris and the rest of the gang. I miss playing in the fountains downtown until the security guards ran us off. I miss holding hands when holding hands was as far as you went in a "relationship". I miss playing "offense/defense" with my brothers in the back yard. I miss dunk competitions on our nerf hoops growing up. I miss Thanksgiving dinner with the whole family at Grandma Jo's house. I miss trying to get Grandpa Pee-Wee to stop smoking and drinking because we wanted him to be around longer. I miss hearing hunting stories while we were cutting up meat in Grandpa Jim's shed. I miss choco and toast with the family on a cold Saturday morning. I miss lacing up my cleats and the smell of a well oiled glove while I get ready for a game. I miss boxing with Corey after school out past the football field. I miss pulling Marina behind my bike while she sits on a skateboard. I miss jumping in puddles with Melissa. I miss walking on the beach and talking to Mike until the sun was coming up. I miss swimming in our clothes after jumping the fence with Rachel. I miss sitting and talking to Teri about all kinds of different things...while I got rocked at sequence. I miss watching Joe try to ride a unicycle. I miss watching the office with Kim just because we wanted to laugh. I miss waking up to the smell of pancakes in the morning before school. I miss living in a town where everyone knows everyone. I miss learning about biology from teachers I knew were smarter than me. I miss singing in choir. I miss hearing Keith every week. I miss painting. I miss drawing, even when I knew that nothing I drew could match what my older brother was drawing.

I miss a lot of things...but normally I don't think about the fact that I miss them. Life isn't about looking back, it is about where we are going and how many people we can bring with us. People matter...find something else worth giving your life for.

Wow...

I haven't had this feeling in years...literally years. I was looking at the "status" section on my Blackberry facebook application. I read one status that said one of my friends was reading his daughter a book until she fell asleep and he wished it never would have ended.

Most people who know me very well are aware that I was married and am now divorced. It doesn't come up much in conversation anymore, mainly because it has been over 8 years since we both signed the papers. The thing that I want to do eventually is to have a family of my own. My parents (who are now divorced) were always there for me when I was growing up. I never had a babysitter or went to daycare. My Mom didn't start working until I was in Jr. High so she was there for us as we grew up. One of my parents was at ALL my sporting events and that is a pretty big deal. Especially since I played three sports a year and I have two brothers who did the same thing. They laid down their lives for us and in turn I have amazing family memories from my childhood.

I see my older brother and his wife doing that for my two nephews. She is a stay at home Mom and they are doing a lot already to create memories for the "J Team". I admire what they are doing so much. I just haven't had a night like tonight in a long time, a night when I ask the question, "When is it my turn?"

I know that I have time. I know that my past choices and actions have extended my time-line farther than expected and I am happy with where I am in my life. Maybe it is because I am tired, maybe it is because I heard today that my Aunt had surgery to remove some cancerous tissue from her breast...whatever the reason the thoughts are there. I have to believe that God knows what He is doing. I have to believe that when the time is right and I am ready I will be able to start a family.

I don't like to open up this much but I am lonely. Not lonely because I don't have people around me. Not lonely because I don't have people I can talk to either because I have a couple close friends who I know I can open up to about anything going on in my life. I guess I am lonely because I don't have someone to spoil, someone to leave notes for that only she will find. Someone to bring gifts home to, someone that makes me want to do whatever I need to do just to see her smile.

Well...I am not sure that I am going to keep this post up. I guess we will see how I am feeling when I wake up tomorrow. This is more of me on a page than I am used to posting...this is just enough information about what goes on in my mind to be dangerous. :)

Perspective...

I am still house sitting, so I am not in the comforts of my own home tonight. I just sat down a few minutes ago and I knew that tonight I was going to write something. I was not sure what my topic would be or how long it would take but I knew I needed to write.

Today I had a rough day. Not because anything major happened and not for any reason that I can specifically name. I just had a bad day. I got off work and I felt like either breaking down in tears (which has not happened in many years) or just driving out of town. I don't have any idea what my problem was or why I felt this way but the fact still remains I was not in a good mood.

I sat down on the couch and turned on my computer. Then I opened up my blog to write, but I thought I would check on my friends blog first. She posted a new entry that I had not seen so I read. It changed my perspective on my day and helped me break out of my funk.

I needed to remember where my joy comes from. The joy of the Lord is my strength! Also there was something else I needed to be reminded of, there are more important things in this world than my day at work. People are what matters. There is a lost and dying world that needs to know that Jesus is the answer that they are looking for. It is all about perspective. Some times we start to let our everyday life take the place that should be filled by eternal perspective. In the words of John Bevere, we need to be "Driven By Eternity."